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Luann
Luann, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 158
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist, 24 years experience working with children, adolescents, families and adults.
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Hello, I am 30 years old and my girlfriend is 26 I cheated

Customer Question

Hello,
I am 30 years old and my girlfriend is 26
I cheated on her in the start of our relationship about 3 years ago.
She find out, she forgive me but she keeps it inside her.

The think is that after that happening I was trying to be a perfect boyfriend and make her worries go away and I did that 100% although it wasnt easy for her to trust me she did.

We have a very very passionate relationship and very good health life

Now 3 years after the incident she told me she wants to break up with me because she hears voices telling her that I am cheating on her and she is really scared of it (I am too)

This is happening only when she is near her parents and never for example when she is staying with me.

I love her and I want to stay with her and help her what is going on
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 3 years ago.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Thank you for contacting Just Answer. I am very sorry to hear this. If she is hearing voices, she should make an appointment with a psychiatrist as soon as possible to get her diagnosed. It is very important that she do that. Until she is diagnosed properly one cannot do anything. Hearing voices --- are they inside her head or outside actual voices she is hearing.

JACUSTOMER-nhueneos- :

hello

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I must go see patients now. Write whatever you like in this chat and I'll check back as soon as I am finished with patients.

JACUSTOMER-nhueneos- :

she actually thinks that her parents tell her I am cheating which is impossible cause they dont even know me

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Make sure you find out about the voices.

JACUSTOMER-nhueneos- :

I want to tell her to go to a therapist together because I love her and I dont want to leave her alone she wants to sepparate with me but I know she loves me and everything you think is serius?

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

But does she hear them or imagine them. In either case this is a paranoid delusion and she must be diagnosed by a psychiatrist. It is illegal; to diagnose over the internet.

JACUSTOMER-nhueneos- :

do you think it is a good idea to stay with her and go to a therapist cause she dont wants to go to a therapist actually

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

The issue at this point is to diagnose her --- it is not a couple issue. I mean it could be but she needs a doctor to diagnose her first. Very important!

JACUSTOMER-nhueneos- :

I am willing to stay with her and help her

JACUSTOMER-nhueneos- :

m I see

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

You could go with her but to a psychiatrist for her, not a couple therapist. You want the doctor to check out her delusion.

JACUSTOMER-nhueneos- :

so it is good to have me or not?
should I go or stay and help?

JACUSTOMER-nhueneos- :

I am willing to do anything to help

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I must see patients now. I promise I'll be right back. But really all one could say is she must be seen by a psychiatrist.

JACUSTOMER-nhueneos- :

should I stay in the relationship or I make it worst?

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I'll check back as soon as I am finished.

JACUSTOMER-nhueneos- :

ok

JACUSTOMER-nhueneos- :

Could it be solved and be back to normal again? Could it be serious?

JACUSTOMER-nhueneos- :

Please I should I stay or should I go what is better for her?

JACUSTOMER-nhueneos- :

thanx for nothing

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I said I had to go see a patient and that I'd be back as soon as I was finished. So if that's the way you feel i will opt out.

JACUSTOMER-nhueneos- :

ok I just thought I wasnt getting your attention so it is ok have a good day

Expert:  Luann replied 3 years ago.

Hello,

I may be able to help you. Your girlfriend is experiencing something confusing and frightening. Like the previous therapist said, a mental health evaluation is very important. Do your best to get her to see someone, a counselor, therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, whichever she is willing to do and whichever you can get into the soonest. Should you stay with her and help her? Yes, she needs your help and support. But be aware and sensitive to her needs and moods. If your presence is making her more agitated, take a step back but don't abandon her. She needs to know that the voices she is hearing are not normal but can be treated. Yes, she can be treated, the sooner the treatment the better. Do what you can to help her, but you may have to do it from a distance for a while or through friends/family. Hang in there.

Luann, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 158
Experience: Licensed Psychologist, 24 years experience working with children, adolescents, families and adults.
Luann and 4 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Hello again I tried to talk to her and convince her go to a local psychologist with no success. I mention I got some expert advice and she said I didn't and it is just a cheap trick to meet her again.

Actually she attacked me and called me liar and tell me she don't want to be with a liar. She only attacked me (verbally, it was a phone conversation) when I mention her to see a specialist together.

Anyway she claimed to be better already because I am far.
I am not so sure about it. I think that my next move should be to contact her best friend and convince him to help her.

Any advice or suggestions is appreciated.
Thank you in advance

Expert:  Luann replied 3 years ago.

Sorry for the delay. I am not surprised at her response. She is not thinking clearly. You need to be very careful in your interactions with her. First and foremost let her know that you are supportive of her and want what's best. If you are able to discuss the situation with mutual friends, that may be helpful. Helpful to you to have someone to talk to and maybe helpful for her. Her friends need to be careful too, do not be confrontational but supportive. When she is ready, then offer suggestions. While you are waiting for her to be ready for help it may be a good idea for you to talk to a counselor. You need lots of support through this process too.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I didn't tried to confront her or something I said her that I only want the best for her even if I have to stay far etc. She was still mad and asked me not to contact her.

I don't have very close relationship with her friends but I have to talk to someone cause after that I don't have any other options, her parents is almost out of the question, they are catholics and very conservative.
Expert:  Luann replied 3 years ago.

You may have to keep your distance until she finally seeks the help she needs. Get support for yourself so you have someone to talk to you. This is a very stressful situation, don't try to handle it alone.

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