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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5578
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I have been with my boy friend for almost 11 years. We have

Resolved Question:

I have been with my boy friend for almost 11 years. We have had some ups and downs and have split up breafly and gon back together. In the begining of our relationship he had an apartment But He spent all his time at my house which I own. He prettymuch only went to his place to get his mail and check his messages. after a while he didnt even need to check his massages because everyone called my number to reach him. It made no sence for him to keep his apartment because he virtually lived with me. finally in Sept 2007 he gave up his apartment. Now he tells me that he is wanting to invest and own something of his own. He just let me know that he bought a coop and will be moving in next month. I am very upset and taken back by this . He does not see why I am upset . He said He didnt say he was breaking up with me. He thinks I am being selfish for not wanting him to have something of his own. What is your opinion on this please.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your problem.

 

I can understand why you felt upset by your boyfriend suddenly deciding to move out. From what you said, I believe that it is not so much that he wanted to buy something, but that he left you out of the decision totally and also did not tell you about it until after the fact.

 

It is easy to see why you feel this is a break up. After living together, you are making decisions together and sharing a home. This is a very intimate situation. When one partner suddenly leaves, it feels like they are also leaving the relationship.

 

The fact that he left you out of the whole search and purchase of a home certainly speaks to his feelings about the relationship. He may very well feel that it is not over, but he is giving the appearance of not being as committed to the relationship as you are.

 

If you and he still want to continue the relationship, there needs to be better communication about feelings and intentions. Also, I recommend therapy as a way to improve communication and to also get a better idea of where the relationship is at this point. If he is unwilling to go with you, go yourself. You need guidance on how to handle this relationship and also to help you get over it, if you so choose.

 

I hope this helped you,

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5578
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
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Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.