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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5506
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I have had a best friend since 3rd grade who as an adult has

Resolved Question:

I have had a best friend since 3rd grade who as an adult has been in and out of rehabs for her addiction to pain pills and crack cocaine. I have stood by her side as a friend. She now, " sometimes me" for her low class friends who text her, call her when we are already on the phone talking, and I am at my breaking point. What do I do without hurting her feelings, or should I just end our friendship. She never wants to do anything with me anymore. She hired her old crackhead friend to clean her house and she literally cleaned her out of her jewelry and bedspread and chicos clothes and all of her other hundred dollar pillows and perfumed lotions and whatever else she could fit into her car. Lori did not realize it because she was asleep.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your problem.

 

It sounds as if you friend has chosen her life with drugs and addicted friends over her friendship with you. Often times, when someone becomes addicted, they adopt the lifestyle that goes with the addiction. It is hard to maintain a drug addiction when everyone around you is sober. As an addict, you want people around you who are doing the same thing as you, can support you in your destructive habits, and who approve of your lifestyle.

 

Along with addiction often comes a shedding of old habits from before the addiction. This includes relationships such as family and friends. It sounds as if your friend has embraced the addiction and therefore has moved away from you as a friend.

 

You have done what you could for her and have been there for the friendship. There is little more that you can do to maintain it. She is no longer doing her part and when only one person is keeping the relationship going, it cannot work.

 

It is probably best you move on. You can tell her nicely by saying that you feel you both have moved in different directions and no longer have anything in common- or something similar to that. I believe that if you chose to continue with the relationship, you will probably continue to be hurt by her and possibly by her friends.

 

Since you have been friends with her such a long time, you might experience some mourning over the lost relationship. That is normal. You may feel sad, regretful, angry, or disappointed. Let yourself mourn but if you feel it goes on too long, seek the help of a counselor. Short term therapy may help you overcome the feelings and be able to move on for good.

 

I hope this has helped you,

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5506
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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