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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5469
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I have just ended an emotionally abusive relationship and am

Resolved Question:

I have just ended an emotionally abusive relationship and am feeling very angry. How can I help myself to move on and return to the relaxed person I used to be?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

First, I am sorry you had to go through such a difficult relationship. Any kind of abusive relationship takes a toll on you emotionally and also takes time to recover from.

 

I think anger would be a natural reaction to what you have been through. Emotionally abusive relationships are difficult because they have no visible signs and therefore may not feel as serious to others as other types of abuse. However, they have the same results. There is shame, hurt, depression, anger, low self esteem and other symptoms. Often times, survivors question themselves and their abilities as a partner and even as a person. Since the abuser relied on control and manipulation, the survivor is left feeling used and battered.

 

I highly recommend you seek counseling to help you recover. Although you can take your recovery yourself and work on your issues, it helps to have someone who can give you some insight into what you are feeling and help guide you back to the person you want to be. You can also be reassured through therapy that the abuse was not your fault and that it is unlikely to happen again because you will gain understanding about what happened in the abusive relationship.

 

If you want, you can also consider a support group for survivors of abusive relationships. Depending on where you live, try contacting your local community mental health center for a referral. Also, if you attend church, your pastor may have a good place to refer you or may be able to offer counseling through the church.

 

There are also some books I'd like to recommend for you. One is called It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence, 2nd Edition by Meg Kennedy Dugan and Roger R. Hock and another is The Emotionally Destructive Relationship: Seeing It, Stopping It, Surviving It by Leslie Vernick. Amazon.com has these books available or you can try your local library.

 

Remember that your reaction is completely normal and that with some treatment and support, you can return to being relaxed and happy.

 

I hope this helped you,

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5469
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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