Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
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I'm sorry for your delay in getting an answer, it is a very busy time of year. Please accept my apologies on behalf of JA.
It sounds like you have been through a very bad situation, that has caused you a lot of mental and physical anguish.
You have a few things you can do. The first is counseling to help you have a safe place to process all this bottled up stress and anger. If you don't trust anyone locally, online therapy may be an option worth pursuing. The other would be intensive journal/writing to help purge and process these toxic emotions.
The second thing you can do is figure out if your nurse practitoner was negligent, and if so do you want to pursue a complaint with the medical board. Or do you want to write her a letter to tell her your anguish and disappointment in being misdiagnosed and now labeled so poorly in the community.
You can provide your family with printed educational information on your condition, so they can see that your symptoms made sense, no matter how illogical it may have looked to them at the time. But more importantly you can start the process of apologizing to them for how it may have scared or hurt them, reassure them that you weren't trying to hurt them or make them worry, but that you were doing the best you could under the circumstances.
Chronic pain, anxiety, discomfort, lack of proper treatment, and feeling like you're fighting to get heard and understood by professionals that are supposed to be listening and helping you, can exponentially add to your stress levels. This probably made your symptoms worse, made you feel and seem even "crazier", and this is where self-forgiveness comes into the picture. Your body was in massive fight or flight mode, and then just burned out and unable to process correctly. No one functions well under that load, no matter what their education/profession.
Your current dermatologist can write you a letter explaining your condition, the apparent cause of it, and your prognosis now that your medication (the cause) has been removed. This type of letter can be something you provide to other doctors you are working with to help validate your story and help them trust you as an accurate historian when it comes to symptom reporting.
Only time will help repair the relationships and trust. The sooner you are able to replace the negative emotional override which could be altering your perception to make things appear bleaker than they really are (where we seen neutral things as negative, and question positive things as having negative intentions), the sooner you can begin to trust again.
But what you are feeling is normal in these situations. Many people struggle with the negative effects of misdiagnosis, neglect, mistakes, and poor treatment management. There is no easy way to just let go of those feelings, because they are real, because you were hurt at a very core level of who you are. This could also be triggering other times when you felt neglected, mistreated, overlooked, or abused. So look for those type of links too, because they slow recovery if they aren't addressed.
But find support, even if it's online through counseling or peer support/self-help groups. Have a place to work through the anger and grief. And if you still feel like you aren't taken seriously by professionals in your area, it may be time to find new doctors. I've seen clients who refused to let me get files from previous doctors because they distrusted them, or felt their notes would color my perception. I honor that and agree to start from a blank slate. I actually prefer that in most cases! So don't be afraid to start over, even if you have to go out of your way to find new doctors whom you trust.
Best wishes, and again I'm sorry you had to wait so long for an answer.
thank you so much..worth the wait. good, succint list of things I can do. I particularly like your suggestions re: providing my family with printed material and also getting a letter from my dermatologist. So much has happened, my new kitten died the day before Thanksgiving and I felt so guilty I could not go anywhere. I think I have cried to the point of dehydration. I do not want to harm my nurse practitioner, she is a good good person and does not deserve retribution. I did file a complaint against the dermatologist who apparently had already made up his mind. My god, even if I was totally delusional, nobody does that on purpose. He hurt me to the core and when he was nasty to me I left in tears. I appreciate you answer. I know my question was amorphous and probably difficult to sort out, but wow, you did a great job and you helped me sort things out as well. Too many things happening at once. You have my deepest thanks and respect.