How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5430
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I had previously submitted relationship question 10/3/10.

Resolved Question:

I had previously submitted relationship question 10/3/10. Simply put, I believe that a jealousy issue with my girlfriend is causing me much anxiety. I recognize the problem and am seeing a counselor for it. For the sake of brevity, my fiance and I have been together for four years and it is a good relationship. I do belive she loves and I am 16 yrs older than her. I have had in the past a cheating spouse whom I divorced. Four months ago, whilepaying our cell bill, I discovered about three texts and two phone calls one month from my fiancee to her coworker, a male around her age. I am aware they are friends, and I had at one time worked with both of them and considered him a friend. She did not tell me about the contact, and does not consider it a big deal. She told me that she loves me, and there is no threat to our relationship. I flipped out and threatened to leave and she was very upset with that. A month or so later, she lied to me about throwing a phone bill away because there were a couple of calls on it, that she told me there would be. She added that I got so upset that she panicked and threw it away and lied about doing so. Weve talked several times about it, but Im letting it hurt our relationship, I dont like her talking to this guy, and I dont know what his intentions or my fiancess are. Note that this guy has a child with his girlfriend but seems a little close with my fiancee. We talked and my fiancee says if they have to talk it is strictly about work and she lets me know. Note that they work third shift, sometimes just the two of them. Driving me nuts sometimes, dont want to ruin love relationship but feeling a lot of anxiety.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your problem.

 

This relationship between your fiancee and her co worker is interfering with your ability to trust. In a relationship, there has to be mutual trust for it to be a healthy relationship. There also needs to be honesty and openness. Your feelings about your financee's relationship are important and need addressed by your finacee.

 

The issue here is that your fiancee is having a relationship with her co worker outside of work. For one, the fact that she sees the relationship as not worth discussing with you is a problem. Between you both, there should be open communication about friends. You know who she sees, she knows the same about you. Saying so and so called me today or text me today is a common way to keep the lines of communication and trust open and fair. That is not to say that reporting every little conversation is necessary, but the honesty needs to be there.

 

Two, your fiancee is beginning to hide the contact she has with this co worker. If a friendship is just that, a friendship, it doesn't need to be hidden. She could be doing this because of your response to her talking with the co worker, but it is only going to create mistrust to deal with it this way.

 

Three, you yourself do not have a friendship or even acquaintance with this co worker. In a trusting relationship, it is normal for each partner to know and even be friendly with the other person's friends. The fact that this is a man who is friendly with your fiancee but shows no interest in you and your relationship with your fiancee is a problem. He is not respecting you or your relationship as part of your financee's life.

 

Also, your finacee needs to decide what is more important to her, her relationship with you or this co worker. She needs to stop communicating with him outside of work if she wants to maintain a trusting relationship with you.

 

If you can, see your counselor together with your fiancee. Boundaries and trust issues need to be worked out between you both before you continue with the relationship.

 

I hope this helped you,

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5430
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education