How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Selah R, M.S. LPC Your Own Question

Selah R, M.S. LPC
Selah R, M.S. LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 582
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor; over 13+ yrs exp working with adults, teens, & families/couples.
3241695
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Selah R, M.S. LPC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

my husband has been contacting 2 different girls for over 2

Resolved Question:

my husband has been contacting 2 different girls for over 2 years by phone, typically texting them 45 each a day although this has just reached 89 recently. He text them every day with out fail-the content of these text are never sexual or flurting. I have spent most of my life try to prove to him that i have Never cheated on him- he has strange ideas and makes up since in his head of me. In the last few years he had become very aggressive and unpredictable (he has never harmed me) but whilst driving or nights out together or on the phone to call centres e.t.c. He was not going to tell me about the other girls- i caught him. He said texting them made him feel worth something and needed. Is there a mental disorder which this fits?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Selah R, M.S. LPC replied 3 years ago.

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

Thank you for trusting JustAnswer with your important question.

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

In marriage counseling we call this type of behavior "emotional infidelity". It doesn't have to be a symptom of a mental disorder, although it can signal deeper issues.

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

Sometimes we see this type of behavior in people with low self-esteem, insecurity, social anxiety, or depression. We can also see it in personality disorders such as narcissists who need constant feedback that they are desired, competent, or special.

Customer :

I think there are deeper issues- i work with children with ASD a think i have a good knowledge of "normal"

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

Many people rationalize it, or try to make it acceptable behavior, by pointing to the fact that it either isn't sexual in content, or that sex hasn't happened "in real life."

Customer :

He has been take meds for depression for 6 months which he has said has not worked! Um i am sure that there has been no sexual acts taking place

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

But the texting women is still giving him emotional benefits, like an adrenaline or endorphine hit, so the behavior can become addicting.

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

Is he seeing a psychiatrist or a family doctor for the antidepressants?

Customer :

Family doctor- his family have mental health problems also!

Customer :

I do think that this texting is an addiction!

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

If he's not seeing improvement after 4-6 weeks than the dose or the specific medication may not be right for his symptoms. If he's tried more than one antidepressant with the family doctor, and it has not helped, then it's time to see a specialist. A psychiatrist will be better equipped to look at your husband's symptoms and find the right type of antidepressant or mood stabilizer to help improve the depression and the irritability.

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

It very well could be, just like we're seeing addiction to pornography skyrocket, we're seeing addictions to texting, Facebook, and other social media.

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

These are all avenues in which they can easily, cheaply, quickly get a "fix" to help their emotions, and in which they can get caught up in the one-dimensional fantasy of a friend/girlfriend/sexual partner who has little if any real demands on them.

Customer :

Ok so i need to take him back to the doctor and explaine the nature of the issues.

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

With our spouses we have kids, chores, bills, laundry, and all other kinds of stressful, boring, real life stuff to deal with. With these one dimensional folks it's easy to have a more enjoyable "relationship" because it's not burdened with these routine tasks that real relationships have to carry.

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

Yes, especially the irritability and if you think that's gotten worse with the antidepressants, as it may indicate that typical antidepressants (or ones in that same family) may actually be making his underlying issues worse.

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

The psychiatrist will probably also request blood work to rule out hormonal (testosterone and thyroid especially) issues that can mimic or worsen emotional issues.

Customer :

I think he had not done any of the chores, house job, money issues (we have no kids) for at lest the last 6 months

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

Get the meds straightened out, see what changes that brings about, and then if there are still serious issues in your relationship it may be time to call on a marriage counselor to help repair your relationship's foundation.

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

But until the meds are working better, therapy is probably going to be more negative and frustrating than helpful right now.

Customer :

Ok thank you for your help- I will go with him (says he cant talk to the Doctor) back to the doctors.

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

Good, because you can give them more information :-)

Selah R, M.S. LPC :

Good luck, and thank you for using Just Answer

Selah R, M.S. LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 582
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor; over 13+ yrs exp working with adults, teens, & families/couples.
Selah R, M.S. LPC and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education