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TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5770
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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My husband begins drinking beer from about 4;30-5 pm and used

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My husband begins drinking beer from about 4;30-5 pm and used to stop once we have the evening meal. Now he gets angry if the meal is ready before 8:30. After eating he will sleep in front of TV for an hour or 2 and go back out and continue drinking until he goes to bed. Meanwhile he does not like to be disturbed with my silly questions or attempts at conversation so spends his entire time alone in the garage adjacent to the kitchen or outdoors leaning against his ute. He has moved out of our bedroom because of my snoring. He is becoming more and more angry with me over the smallest things and I have to make sure I do not upset him in any way. We have been married for 40 years and our relationship is now nearly non existent yet I still love him very much. Since my attempts at conversation and some form of a relationship are usually met with contempt I have become very bitter, angry, apathetic, hostile, negative. Through much prayer, I've decided to try to show him as much love as possible and stop worrying about my injuries in case it is lack of love that has driven him this far. Though he has never physically abused me, my self esteem is at an all time low & I'm really insecure. What can I do to try and help him?????
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your problem.

 

I am sorry to hear that you are going through this with your husband. You mentioned your husband's drinking used to be limited but now he drinks more and is starting to isolate himself from you and others. His drinking has also increased.

 

The effect that your husband's behavior is having on you is detrimental to you and your marriage. It appears that his alcohol use has become either abuse or dependency. This is affecting his mood and his relationships.

 

It is important that you seek treatment for yourself. Although it would be ideal for your husband to get help, he must first realize he has a problem in order to be willing to seek therapy. However, you do have control over your own wellbeing. I highly recommend you contact Al Non for help in dealing with your husband and how to help yourself in this situation. Also, they may be able to give you a referral to a therapist if you should want individual therapy to help you cope.

 

People who use alcohol often count on others supporting them and even helping them continue their destructive behaviors. If they do not, the alcohol users often become angry and make life difficult for those around them. Or they withdrawal, causing feelings of guilt. You need to remove yourself from this situation and start working on protecting yourself, building supports and seeing if you can salvage your marriage. Much of it depends on your husband's willingness to get help. But if you start the process for yourself, he may be willing to see his issues as a problem.

 

Some resources that may help you include Another Chance: Hope and Health for the Alcoholic Family by Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse and The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage by Al-Anon Family Group Head Inc. These books can help you get a good start. There is also a good website to help you understand alcohol use. It is at http://helpguide.org/mental/alcohol_abuse_alcoholism_signs_effects_treatment.htm.

 

I hope this has helped you,

Kate

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