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You may have symptoms of what is called a personality disorder. You would appear be be above average in intelligence, but at 31 years of age, you haven't had much success forming or maintaining intimate relationships. This is one key point---though you would like to have such relationships, they don't seem to pan out or really last. For me, this is usually an important hint that the person may have a personality disorder or a mixed disorder. Therefore, I concur with the path you suggested in your first post e.g., you have read about these already to some degree. Therefore, I'm sure you've discovered on your own that there are about 10 formal ones and 4-5 others under research consideration). But what you may not know about personality disorders is that the formal designations of individual personality disorders is quite a 'mess' in psychiatry. This assertion is supported by lots of indirect evidence. For example, it is well known that few people with an apparent personality disorder actually meet all of the diagnostic criteria for any one disorder. They show a sort of 'mixed' disorder---1-2 features from several different' formal disorders. Alternatively, they show either very mild features of one or more disorders or don't fully meet the diagnostic criteria for any one disorder. So such personality problems are usually classified under something called Personality Disorder NOS or Not Otherwise Specified.
My hunch is that you may have one of these mixed types that could involve 1-2 mild features of several disorders---probably not enough for a formal disorder designation, but enough to cause you some difficulty in your social relationships; Consistent with what you have suspected, I would focus a formal evaluation with you on a number of personality disorders, with the hypothesis that you have a mixed type e.g., avoidant, schizoid, schizotypal personalty disorders. You mentioned Aspergers, and interestingly, this came to mind for me as well; but given your several posts to me, I doubt you fit criteria for Aspergers very well.
I think you are bright enough to benefit more than most people from psychotherapy, either individual or particularly group psychotherapy. I think you would find social feedback, and being able to provide input into other peoples' problems within a group psychotherapy setting to be quite interesting and helpful to you.
Let me pause here and solicit your feedback. I want to assess whether I am addressing your question adequately.
You can't explain much of anything to people unless you have a very good understanding of your actions yourself. By this, I'm suggesting that you are plenty smart enough to be able to monitor your thinking and feeling states at those moments you want to push people away. I want you to pull back just a moment and monitor what you are feeling, and what you might be saying to yourself immediately before you push people away. Are you feeling threatened? Are you feeling anxiety? Are you worried they might reject you and so you push them away first, to control when and how you separate? Are you feeling frustrated and want to be alone---to just have peace and quiet in the moment?
So you are monitoring your feelings. Next, what is the OUTCOME you hope to achieve by your behavior---in this case, pushing people away.
Once you figure out what you are feeling and are pretty confident that your emotion reactions follow a pattern, and you know what the outcome is you expect when you react to your feelings (through a behavior, such as pushing people away), you are now in a position to explain it to others, if you wish. THEN, the next step is for you to learn more about how your behavior comes across to other people---how it impacts them. Because if you feel an emotion, react to it and expect an outcome, and then people who experience your actions interpret it very differently than you intended, you have a real problem on your hands. It is this discrepancy between your intended actions, and how people interpret them, that could be contributing to your isolation and lack of intimate relationships.
I hope this information is helpful to you. I believe a clinical or counseling psychologist could help you with some of the exercises I've mentioned above, as well as many others. You would want to talk to a psychologist who specializes in cognitive-behavioral therapy. A general mental health counselor or 'therapist' won't do here. Please let me know if I have overlooked any aspect of your original question. Also, please hit the green Accept button at the bottom of this screen. Thanks.
I push people(both sexes) away by being to nice. I can't stop with just doing "this". I take more steps then I should. An example would be, I talk to some people on a daily basis but they almost always refuse my help when offered. I was looking for a more defined way of telling people I have a personality disorder, I guess a name. What would be some good reading info about people like me?
I don't think you want to inform people you probably have a personality disorder. This would tend to put people off and make them feel cautious and uneasy around you. Rather, let's take a look at the behavior you just mentioned i.e. you push people away by being too nice. What is possibly happening here is that in your attempts to be nice, what others see is excessive helpfulness to the point that people feel intruded on. Your help may reach the point when you 'do too much', of making people feel you haven't just been helpful, but you've gone too far and are now imposing on them. An example might be helping someone move their stuff into a new apartment, but then wanting to help clean and hang around more, when they merely wanted help with moving stuff. They wanted to be alone and clean on their own and so the helpful person has now turned into an intruder.
I would Google Theordore Millon and get ahold of some of his books on personality disorders. His descriptions are among the best available and may give you some insight into your self, and especially, how other people experience being with you. But what I'd really recommend is for you to make an appointment with a counseling psychologist or clinical social worker who works a lot of with people with personality disorder traits. You really need and deserve a more complete evaluation of your personal situation. They may be able to steer you to a social relationship group for adults who have problems forming and maintaining interpersonal relationships or who feel misunderstood, socially.
I hope this information is helpful. Please feel free to let me know if I have overlooked any aspect of your original question. Please hit the green Accept button at the bottom of the screen. Thanks.
.OKMH53016130 My son is very anxious. He gets like