Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.
You have been trying to get relief from the negative aspects of this relationship for quite some time (7 years plus!) and things have gotten to the point that you are close to giving up.
You might try therapy with him again, if he is willing. You could tell him that you cannot endure the emotional battering any longer and let him know that this is a last-ditch effort. This way, you will have a clear conscience that you did
your best. It might even work, but considering the fact that this behavior has been ingrained into your family system, it will be hard to break.
If you cannot get him to try to change, then you might need a counselor for personal support, and a divorce attorney to discuss your legal options with.
For some useful informaton about the nature of emotional abuse, try this website, which contains much useful information that will help you decide what is going on.
I am sure that you avoid pushing his button, as best you can.
Life should bring a measure of joy and a relationship should bring support, comfort, and tenderness - not fear or distress. Something has to change. It it can't be one thing, then it will have to be the other. If you have to make a break, it will eventually level out.
I wish you strength and courage to begin the new year with a firm plan of action. I wish you a wonderful year ahead, filled wih a great new possibilities .
Blessings to you,
Elliott Sewell,LPCC, NCC