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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question

Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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I just wrote to Dr. Phil about my 7 year old grandaughter.

Customer Question

I just wrote to Dr. Phil about my 7 year old grandaughter. I think she is being abused because it is easier for my son to treat her badly than deal with his jealous wife. She told me that the little one had a right to have a "first time for everything" with her father because the first one did. In my mind, once there is a first one, everything else is shared. She wants hin to leave his first daughter out, until the little one had had her turn. THEN they tell the 7 year old that she is not allowed to be envious of anything the younger child receives, different mothers and they don't live together. and are CONSTANTLY criticizing the older one (only 7) that she needs to be more obedient and understanding, and that the baby should have the most attention. She was told not to play or touch with the little one's toys, that she had her own, but when she played with her own toys, and the little one wanted it, they made her give it to her. She is so afraid of losing her dad's love.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 3 years ago.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Thank you for contacting Just Answer. I am so very sorry to hear about this behaviour. This behaviour should be reported to the Department of social services in the city that they live in. This is profoundly abusive behaviour and needs to be reported immediately because of the extreme damage that they are causing this child.

Customer :

And how do I do this without losing my son. More importantly, who should I speak to and what should I report to save my grandchild, even if I have to lose my son?

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

It is truly remarkable and unbelievable to hear that this is how this little 7 year old child is being treated.

Customer :

I can't stop crying, and he won't listen to me!

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Find out the number for the Department of Social services in their city. Ask them not to tell your daughter-in-law or your son that you are reporting this. Actually, you can try to report this annonymously. They will check into and will be given warnings. Do it anonymously. In fact, call from a public telephone so they can't trace the call back to you.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Unbelievable!!!!!!!

Customer :

I am willing to pay more for your expertise. It is more important that my grandaughter is ok. Please can you connect me to someone, or maybe even forward this to Dr. Phil, since I found you on his website and I know how concerned he is with children's rights. My son might not want to appear, but I am desperate to find help, for all of them. I cannot believe they cannot see the damage they are doing to this child. It was done to me, and I always accepted abusive behaviour, because my father always made me felt less than (idiot, moron, jerk, there are no mistakes, only carelessness, you are their looking glass, everything they do wrong is your fault, blah, blah, blah, Oh yeah, there was the sexual abuse by my dad and the physical abuse by my mom, but my son is, thank God, not that way. But he is psychologically abusive.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

We are not connected with Dr. Phil. But you must call the Children's Social Service Department. They will do an investigation. It's got to stop. This is definitely child abuse!

Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience: PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
Dr. Shirley Schaye and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 3 years ago.
Good Afternoon. Sorry was catching up on my sleep and some chores so wasn't at the computer. You have the right to not file a report. You can explain that you just want them to listen to someone about how they are handling their 7 year old and since they are not listening to you you thought that you would reach out for their help. You do though don't want to get them into trouble --- you want this to be a warning.

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