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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5111
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
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Thank you Dr Mark i will purchase one of those titles. Listen

Resolved Question:

Thank you Dr Mark i will purchase one of those titles.

Listen I'm being honest with you about how i feel about this and the way it's gone for me.

I guess I went into great detail about the words spoken by her when we parted to see if that sounds to you like an upset woman a borderline or just someone that is exhausted by trying to get me to think how she does.

Of course I would much rather it be the case that she is a normal woman for her own sake. And also in the event that my feelings stay the same then we have more of a chance...

From what Ive read about BPD .. they come back when they want.. splitting, black an white.

Why would a woman that 1st chucked me out of her house, had me turning up and calling for weeks desperately trying to get her back - considering I must have been a real pain and caused soo much hurt to her -a woman that practically told me I was the devil - suddenly text me after nearly 3 months and get back with me and after 5 days talking say things like .. I never want to be without you again I love you so much honey xxx and these type of messages went on for at least 2 months.

She is 35 years old with a 10 year old daughter Dr Mark

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Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 3 years ago.
Anthony,

We've come full circle: you originally were trying to understand her and her behavior. You then began to focus more and more on your own being and behavior. We worked on this being the more important discussion because no matter what her diagnosis, you need to learn from the experience and grow as a human being and as a man.

We are now back to who she is and her diagnosis. Her behavior certainly has that frantic emotional edge to it that is typical of BPD, though it is not enough to nail a diagnosis. It could also be a woman who just had a falling out with another man, is in her mid-30s with a child and got worried about being without a man. Possible. I don't have any way of knowing. Women in their 30s are painfully aware that if they don't settle with a man soon, they are not going to have a stable family life with their kids and/or future kids. So, lots of possibilities.

But all this is coming down to your seeming need to have her and her behavior perfectly understood. If it is because you want to feel stronger in your commitment to your course of action, that's not a great idea. Better would be to go into this period knowing you'll contact her when it's time and then you'll assess at that time her mental health and suitability to be your mate. For now, she's someone you're interested in but you're busy getting yourself in order to have a healthy relationship.

Yes, I think that sounds healthier. I wish you the best, Anthony!

Please remember to click the green accept button. Feel free to continue the discussion; my goal is to get you the best answers possible. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue, just put "for Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX

Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5111
Experience: Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
Dr. Mark and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Dr Mark,

 

I will do that. I will access my life and live it untill the time comes when it feels right to contact her, if at all it does come.

 

I'm trying not to analyse her so much but when you can't understand how a person has been towards you be it good or bad then it has an affect on you that I cant even explain.

 

I also wondered if maybe I was the one doing the crazy making on her? maybe im going to deep with this. But I will say one thing. I was happy as larry when she was and tried to support her from here as much as possible hence i neglected my job and family/friends here in favour of keeping our relationship running as smoothly as possible. If she knew and understood all of this she wouldn't have dumped me for failing to keep the job, get over to her quicker etc.. if indeed these were her real reasons..

 

Thank you Dr Mark

Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 3 years ago.
Anthony, There was a great psychiatrist named Viktor Frankl. He wrote a book that was included in the list of the 50 greatest books of the 20th century, Man's Search for Meaning. He wrote it after coming out of the concentration camps as skin and bones. He wrote about what being HUMAN is even in a place like that. He started a type of therapy called Logotherapy. It's still practiced today and there are conferences of these practitioners in Europe every year. It's a therapy based on seeking to find the meaning in one's actions and the meaning in one's relationships and the actions of others and ultimately, in one's life. Why do I bring this up?

Because Frankl died in his 90s, a heralded individual. He did not pretend that even after all these years, books, and patients, he understood what makes humans do what humans do in a complete fashion. It is not for us to be able to understand it so well. That you want to understand her is only as valuable as your willingness to take the years and years to build and understanding.

If she were so simple you could understand her so easily, you wouldn't be as interested in her. But I want you to turn this whole discussion inward. Turn the lens on yourself and who you are as a human being. That was Frankl's greatness. That's what separated him from the others of Vienna pre-war. He lived and as he lived, he turned that lens inward and learned about human life from learning about himself.

So, I'm so glad you're going to take this time in Malta to test yourself in your life. Work on being as interested in what makes you do what you do and think what you think and feel what you feel and believe what you believe as you are about her!

It's been a pleasure so far! Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5111
Experience: Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
Dr. Mark and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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