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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question

Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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I was living with this man for 7 years and just abandoned me

Customer Question

I was living with this man for 7 years and just abandoned me and my daughter. Left me a voice message saying that he had left the house and we had 30 days to vacate the place where we are. He went back to his e-wife. He really hurt my feelings and my daughter. After a month he started sending messages to my friends and my daughter that he misses them. What is he trying to do? I am trying so hard to move on. With him keeping in contact with everyone is making it hard for me to move on. I have to admit I still love the guy. Does he still feel the same way towards me that is why he is doing all these?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 3 years ago.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Thank you for contacting Just Answer. I think that you need to think very carefully before you get back together and shouldn't unless you enter couple's counseling with him should you be considering a reconciliation. Otherwise how do you know that he won't do this again.

Customer :

That has been my question after finding out of what he did. I just do not understand why does he still keeps communicating with my friends? And he only communicates with the ones the he knows I am close too? Is he sorry of what he has done and still cares for me? I know I will not make the first move to communicate with him. Right now, I know I will want to get back to him

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

You need to tell your friends how you feel. It is a much more difficult situation for your daughter but your friends should understand how upsetting it would be for you to maintain contact with him.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Sorry, I meant to say for them to maintain contact with them.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Sorry --- with him.

Customer :

I have to admit it does make me feel good when they tell me that he had called them. I know it takes time for me to completely forget him. Do you think after all these he still cares for me? Please let me know

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I wish I could let you know but I can't crawl into his head and know what his motivations are? What do your friends say about their interactions with him.

Customer :

Nothing really. He is inviting them to hang out sometime soon. They wanted to hear him and see why he went this far. My daughter said that he once sent a text message to her saying that he wanted to call her but she declined. Maybe I am just delusional?

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Well, it's not that you're delusional. Obviously, there is wishful thinking but unless he clearly states that he wants to get back together don't set your hopes on it.

Customer :

I guess. ok thanks for the little bit of advice. You have a happy new year!

Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience: PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
Dr. Shirley Schaye and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 3 years ago.
You have a happy new year, too! Remember, don't make the first move. If he wants to come back, he should make the first move and then only after you have done some talking.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I am so mad right now of what he did to me and my daughter. What he did to us is so disrespectful. I know I will not make the first move.

I thank you so much for the advice. It made me more confident about myself that I can handle everything. I really appreciate it. I will make sure this New Year will be the start of a new book for me and my daughter. Life will be much better than the year 2010.
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 3 years ago.
Oh, I really hope so! You don't need ANYBODY who treats you like that --- ever --- it's better to be alone than be with someone who would hurt you and your daughter like that. I wish you well! Here's to a wonderful 2011.

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Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye
1423 Satisfied Customers
PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy