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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question
Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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My 19-year-old daughter staying with me over the holidays (shes

Customer Question

My 19-year-old daughter staying with me over the holidays (she's usually away at an art college doing an art foundation course) has just walked out on me saying she didn't know where she was going to stay. She arrived last Tuesday happy and communicative; she went out with old school friends Thur night, then on Fri morning stormed off from me at the supermarket arriving still in a mood in th eve and carrrying on until late Christmas Day. Her mood swings from being great fun to being impassive and depressive. I have recently separated from her father though it has been deifficult for years; I have had parkinson's for 12 years and have suffered mood swings myself - although I so not entirely agree with the diagnosis I have been taking medication for possible bi-polar. How can I tell if my daughter has this too? What can I do if she has?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 5 years ago.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Thank you for contacting Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds to me that she may be upset about the separation between you and your husband. I certainly am not a mind reader, so don't know for sure. But how about you sitting down with her and asking her what she is upset about and see if the two of you can come to somee understanding.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I see you are offline. I'll check back again later to see if you have added anything.

JACUSTOMER-ul2nyfwy- :

She will not speak to me - any attempt on my part to approach her is shunned. I do not think it is the separation that is causing the upset - though obviously the marriage difficulties underpin a lot of the problems which go back a long way. She seems so volatile and I think I need a different tack but I find it hard to deal with all this. I am myself have gone through job loss, money problems, a move and the first steps to divorce over the past couple of years - but I hope I have conveyed to her the sense that I'm always here for her. She seems to think I am rejecting her? What about the mood swings?

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Of course, I really cannot diagnose her over the internet. That would be illegal. Not talking to her directly, there is no way to know what is going on.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Unless she is willing to talk to you, there is no way to know. If she refuses to talk to you, have you tried writing her a letter letting her know that you love her and would hope that the two of you would keep your communication open. Other than that, I'm afraid there is nothing we can do to force her to sit down and talk.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

You might want to seek out a therapist to have someone to talk things over with so that you do not feel all alone. Look at what you already said when you thought you, she and her father should go to family therapy --- she refused. Believe me, I wish I had a better answer for you. You, me, all of us have no control over our children once they are no longer minors. Sad, but that's the situation for all of us.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Just checking to see if you've come back online. i'll check back again later to see if you've entered anything else.

JACUSTOMER-ul2nyfwy- :

I do not really feel that you have answered my question. I appreciate the fact that my daughter is no longer a minor and that I need my own counselling but really I wanted to know how I should recognise if there were warning signs for something more serious over and above the usual family non-communication problems. I realise you cannot diagnose anyone and I wouldn't expect it but I think some further guidance could be given.

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