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Dr. Michael
Dr. Michael, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2177
Experience:  Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
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bullying question i moved into a town home with shared walls

Resolved Question:

bullying question
i moved into a town home with shared walls 4 months ago and have yet to meet any of the neighbors. almost immediately i noticed someone following me to work (trying to be discrete) but when i got there he drove around the parking lot trying to bug me; and there was some pounding on the walls while i was at home. I said something on the lines of "if someone has a problem then talk to me"
Ever since then everything i do is being nitpicked be it running errands at 6-7 am to any little noise i make, disciplining my cat, whatever. he acts like he has to get me back or bug me back for any little thing.
I'm not quite sure how to take this, is he just trying to make me out to be the bad guy? Its not like i act much like this stuff bugs me, he usually just ends up paying so much attention to me or nitpicking that he gets the wrong idea about something and then leaves me alone until the next supposed issue.
How can i get this person out of my life and get my serenity back in my own home?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 3 years ago.
Hello. I believe I can be of help to you with this issue.

Let me ask a couple of questions. First, are you renting or purchasing this town home? How long have you lived here?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I purchased the house, have lived here about 4 months
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 3 years ago.
The BEST approach, since you have purchased (and are sort of 'stuck' there) would be to take the initiative to reach out to the neighbors and try to make friends, make peace with them, etc. Go buy some high quality brownies or cookies or a nice bottle of wine, and go to the door of the person you think is bullying you, and knock. When he comes to the door, just do the following:

1. Introduce yourself
2. Apologize for living 'right next door' for several months and not taking the opportunity to stop by, introduce yourself, or being 'more neighborly'.
3. Hand them the gift and tell them that you wanted to share a token of 'neighborliness'.
4. Tell them that you realize that these townhouses are crowded, close together, have thin walls, and if they ever have a problem with you being too noisy, with your pet cat, etc., to PLEASE call you or drop you a note, so there will be no misunderstandings among you, as neighbors. Give him your business card or a 3X5 card with your name and phone number on it.
5. Tell him you'd welcome the opportunity to go out to pizza some night or a beer, or whatever, and suggest a night/time.

These should work---they almost always do, unless the guy is an irrational, pathological bully, etc. If this is the case, you might want to put your townhouse up for sale and look to move. But you must get out of your comfort zone, so to speak, and take the initiative to dramatically change the situation.

What do you think?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Sounds like something i can do, thank you.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
i never got the link to pay you. you seem to be offline now.
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 3 years ago.
I'm online. Did you make a deposit yet? If you did, the payment doesn't actually occur until you Accept the answer to the question. You simply get the deposit made and then you can hit the Accept button at the bottom of this screen. THANKS. I'll check back periodically.
Dr. Michael, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2177
Experience: Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
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Dr. Michael
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Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.