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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I am emotionally distraught that the younger brother (by 9

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I am emotionally distraught that the younger brother (by 9 years) to whom I was always close no longer has time to speak to me. Between us we care for a severely disabled sister (middle child) but whilst he invited her for Christmas, I was not invited. I feel this is all due to his wife, who I believe is for some reason jealous of the closeness my brother and I once shared.

For the previous 7 years since our parents died I have invited my sister for Christmas whilst brother never did. He never telephones me, though he visits my sister regularly. It is very difficult to care for my sister too when I have no-one to discuss things with. Whilst he does e-mail me about my sister I would so much like to see or speak to him. I really can't see myself getting over the hurt of all this, much as I want to. I might try not being in touch with him, but will be constantly reminded whenever I see my sister, who thinks he is wonderful, just as she did my dad (she treated my mum very badly as did dad). Hope you can offer me some direction, thank you.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 6 years ago.
Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I am sorry about the break in you relationship with your family members, particularly with your brother.

The most obvious and direct solution is to write him a very thoughtfull written letter of concern and love, without any anguish, without any finger pointing, without mentioning his possible jealous wife.

The letter might go like this:

Dear brother,
I was saddened not to spend Christmas with you and your family, and with our sister, all of whom I love very deeply. I know it is stressful to be a carefgiver, but we must work together and do our best to keep our family strong and intact. I have always felt very close to you as your big brother, and I want us to remain close throughout our lives.

I would like very much to get together very soon in the new year and would like to invite you and your family, our sister, and blank sometime in February for a get together at my house.

I am looking forward to hearing from you soon. Give me a call at xxx.xxxx.xxxx

With love,

Your brother

Something like this is positive and really requires a response without demanding one.

This should be the first step you take. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink. If he does not respond, or if he responds unfavorablly, then you will have to foget about him for awhile and try sometime in the future.

I hope this gets you started.

Best wishes for a fruitful new year.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC
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