Dear Dr. Michael,
It is over three years since you helped me with these issues. Unfortunately my husband's behaviour escalated into physical violence and extreme verbal abuse. It was a very dangerous situation and my sons and I fled in October 2011. My husband has pursued me, sending abusive messages and ringing me and using the police as proxies by making false allegations and making unreasonable applications to the Family Court during the property settlement process.
I was fortunate to have a high-profile barrister step in at the last minute in the Magistrates Court and she prevented my husband destroying my career in defence. She is well known for her work defending victims of human rights abuses and domestic abuse. It gave me the strength to represent myself in the Family Court, and fight against my husband's deception and lies, for the sake of my children. The police finally stopped following up on his ridiculous attempts to have me arrested for serious indictable offences. I informed the Department of Defence of the domestic abuse and his lawyer's attempts to extort spousal maintenance out of me, by threatening to make further reports to the police and have my defence security clearance cancelled.
Gradually my husband lost his power over me. I realise my younger son and I are still at risk, but the husband has finally quietened down and has probably got the message "No More".
He has agreed to accept an offer from January 2012, of 50% of the family home I bought with an inheritance from my mother. He keeps almost everything else we own. Obviously it is not justice, as my younger son and I have suffered terrible things - homelessness, poverty and even hunger, because of my husband's actions. It is an extremely long and complicated story. For a while I found some solace by communicating with others in similar situations on the Out of the Fog forum.
I hope that your work makes some contribution towards preventing the horrific violence and emotional abuse that those with personality disorders inflict on others. I've noticed that Australian legislation is gradually changing for the better and the police are now being trained more to recognise the self-victimisation tactics and attention seeking behaviours of vexatious litigants and abusive spouses like my husband.
I am gradually compiling the story of what has happened to my family on a WordPress blog called Invisible Domestic Abuse, but I've done little work on it over the last year.