How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Olsen Your Own Question

Dr. Olsen
Dr. Olsen, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2336
Experience:  PsyD Psychologist
46062601
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Dr. Olsen is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

When do I allow myself to be able to move on I am in my 3rd

Customer Question

When do I allow myself to be able to move on? I am in my 3rd marraige. The first one ended after 1 year. The 2nd one after 15 years. This one has been 4.5 years and I can't seem to find a way to communicate with my husband. If I leave him alone and don't ask or expect anything we seem to get along ok. He has 4 kids, I have 2 and we have way different parenting styles. I thought we would co parent. I am stricyter than hnim, my kids have A's and are heading to college, his 2 youngest struggle and play video games. I have to mind my own business. He just wants to be left alone. And is happiest sitting onthe computer or playing guitar. His exwwife died and he is involved taking care of this instead of letting her family with live nearby handle things. THey have been divorced almost 8 years and his oldest child whois 25 is incharge of the estate however he is Helping to liquidate et .... . I don't feel like my needs are getting met emotionally. We went to counseling for 1 year. He told me that 80 percent of our problems would go away if I just kept my mouth shut.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 3 years ago.
Hello. Welcome to JustAnswer. I am sorry to hear about your situation. Let me ask you a question before I offer an answer. Did counseling help you and him in any way ?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
No I don't think so because he thinks our problems are all my fault and if I would just quit doing the things that bug him, we would get along better.
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 3 years ago.
Hi, Thanks for your response. I will work on my answer. Please wait. Feel free to post any new info.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
ANyway acused of guilt tripping,controlling etc .... which I don't feel like I do. I keep my mouth shut and give space for 4-5 days at a time to keep peace. Everything I used to bring up, I don't say anymore . . . . Basically don't have much in common .. . I think I have pretty much given up.
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 3 years ago.
Hi, Thanks for your responses. I have contemplated your problem for a while. Let me say I can imagine how stressful and frustrating this situation must seem to you at times. It sounds like your husband is not open to discuss issues between you and him. He may also be in denial of them or resistant to change anything in his part. Am I correct? In addition, he may blame you for all or most of problems between you and him. This is a very challenging situation for you. It sounds like marriage counseling did not help him to change or understand/accept your feelings, thoughts and needs. I wonder why counseling could not resolve problems between you and him even though you two attended it for one year. His current behavior may be a red flag for your marriage in the long run. I understand you are losing hope about this situation. Perhaps, you may write down what you want him to change, correct or accept AND what you may compromise for your marriage if there is any. You may give the note to him before you two discuss these issues. You may try this to see if he take your feelings seriously. If he loves you and wants to save your marriage, he should engage in conversation with you. I hope he tries to work things out with you. Please let me know if I have overlooked any or you have more questions. Warm regards,

Edited by Dr. Olsen on 1/1/2011 at 6:03 AM EST
Dr. Olsen, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2336
Experience: PsyD Psychologist
Dr. Olsen and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
He is not going to change, I just have to decide if I can accept things the way they are! That is the difficult thing to never have an opinion or any input. It is like we live 2 separate lives. I don't know if that is good enough for me! Thank you for your time!
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 3 years ago.
Hi, I am sorry to hear that your husband is not going to change his way. I hope anything may change his way. But, you deserve to be happy in your marriage. I wish you the very best.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education