Thank you very much for your acknowledgement of my pain. Some people don't seem to be able to comprehend that mothers that are virtually predators really exist, and it irritates me. The grandchild in question is male . . . which adds
to his desirability as far as a companion/protector for my aging mother, who buried her second husband about 2 1/2 years ago and, I suspect, is looking for a companion who will accompany her to colonoscopies, provide a deterrent to being a victim of crime as an elderly (66) woman living alone. What makes my child easily manipulated is gifted/disabled (125 verbal IQ at age 9, he is now 19 and attending college classes part-time). His disability stems from physical bullying
in school in junior high, an intravenous overdose of ativan to stop a seizure by the physician in the epilepsy unit at age 13, his grandmother's abuse of both me and him becoming apparent to him at the same age . . . 13. He was thirteen when I broke my leg rollerblading in the park with him (tibial plateau fracture that resulted in compartment syndrome and subsequent surgery), and we were not able to come home to our second floor apartment because I couldn't manage the stairs after my release from the hospital. We were forced to go to my mother's. She showed overt hostility over having to either cook or go to McDonald's for us, though I'd given her $500 up front to cover costs. She refused to take me to the bathroom in the wheelchair, so my son had to do it. The hospital had given me a dirty cathether during a test and I had a bladder infection and the need to "go" quite often throughout the day and night, and she refused to help. After my son started to get exhausted and sleep deprived, she agreed on night to come downstairs and get me to the bathroom during the night so that my son could sleep. I was in incredible pain, and he was exhausted. We called, and called, when I needed to go. When she finally showed up on the stairs, she said she'd taken some medication, in spite of knowing that she'd agreed to help. By that time I was soaked. She refused to help me wash the urine off, and eventually my son started to have seizures (sleep deprivation may have been the cause, because he's not epileptic). My mother accused my son of faking the seizures, and eventually told us to leave her house. When we ignored her, she said, "Don't let me have to call the police!" In the wake of all this, my son has a very low tolerance for stress
, a short attention span, and memory problems. He was said to be oppositional by the neuropsychologist, and my have aspergers syndrome. When I speak about her pitting him against me, I mean a systematic brainwashing or poisoning against me as she aged so as to turn him into a companion/protector for her. I was accustomed to allowing him to go to her house to cool off when we had conflict, which was throughout his teens. When he turned eighteen, she just let him stay. When I refused to accompany her to a colonoscopy after some of her verbal abuse, she forced him to go and sit for three hours by saying that if he didn't she'd put him out. She doesn't want him seeing a psychologist, doesn't want to accommodate his disabilities at all. I have to do everything for him, take him to the psychologist, fight with her about his care (he has eczema, and must have only dove sensitive soap). When I noticed eczema almost up to his elbows, I told her that he's too inattentive to "choose" the right soap, there must only be dove in the bathroom, and that he'd been using dial and had eczema as a result, she initially refused to remove it from the bathroom. She did
something similar with the husband that died 2 1/2 years ago. He had end stage dementia
, had fallen straight down the flight of stairs from the first to the second floor, and she refused to put up a gate to protect him. She also refused to wash his genital area, in spite of the fact that he had a catheter in his bladder . . . mainly because she didn't want to take him to the bathroom during the night and he couldn't manage on his own because the part of his brain controlling balance was almost gone. He couldn't transfer himself from a chair near the bed to the bed without falling. He eventually got blood poisoning from the catheter, they kept yelling that he was "septic" at the ER, and a nurse said to my mother, "You could have at least done his pericare!" Now, I would like to help my son to independence, but my mother's undermining has resulted in him being very hostile toward me. By undermining I mean saying that I'm unfair for limiting his use of the video game I bought him, she'll say things like, "Why did you buy it if you weren't going to let him play with it!!!!!!" "You're not fair with him!!!!!" She has undermined every effort I've made to set boundaries for him through the years, and now he thinks he's in paradise at her house with no rules. But she's admitted to me that she plans to sell the condo, and get an apartment. There will be no room for him and I fear, he may be too obnoxious and hostile for me to let him back in my house by the time she gets through with him. Then, again, she may be after his disability check, which I currentlty manage. I need help BIGTIME. If she abandons him after ruining him, and he ends up on the streets, it'll ruin my life, and somehow strangely enough, that strikes me as something she might want, since I was an unplanned pregnancy for her at the age of 16, during the pregnancy, my father married his other girlfriend (who was also pregnant), and I came into the world looking just like him. She hates my father, and consciously or unconsciously hates me, yet the fact that she has no other children and is aging, makes her refuse to let go. Holding onto my son seems to be a way of ensuring that I will be around for her needs, and should I refuse, destroying him (encouraging him to quit school and take a job at McDonald's, etc.) is a way of finally destroying me.