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TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5770
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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My daughter is 19 but has the mind of a 13 yr old. She has

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My daughter is 19 but has the mind of a 13 yr old. She has been diagnosed with ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder, and is maybe a little bi polar. She got pregnant last year and had to stop her meds for ADHD. She did graduate from high school but after 2 semesters of college, just stopped going. Her boyfriend is as ignorant as she is. Quit high school in 9th grade, is 21 and has failed to get is drivers license after at least 10 attempts. We are from Saint Bernard Parish in Louisiana. He fishes shrimp and crabs (when he wants to)' has no steady job and lives with his mother who enables him. On 12/26 , in the evening, my daughter called me hysterically saying that he would not return her child to her custody. I was not far from their trailer, and as I pulled in the drive way could hear yelling, screaming, and shoving from inside the trailer door. His cousin was holding the baby and I calmly asked if I could take her to get her away from the fighting. I calmly asked if I could take the baby since they continued to fight in front of me. The boyfriend of the baby as the temperaments got higher I told my daughter to get her two month old and leave or I would call the police and he yelled call the police. My daughter and the baby are home with us now, we have a very loving family and try to support our children as much as possible. But the issues with Theresa are getting old. I need your advice on how to handle this situation. I realize she is 19 and considered an adult, but she definitely does not act like one. My question to you; fights and arguments have been more and more frequent and my 2 month old grand child unfortunately in the middle of it. Between her psychiatric issues and his violent out burst and ignorance I am very concerned about my grand daughter being raised in that environment (he also has a large pit bull in the trailer that her let's run around). My daughter has been home with us, her family, for four days now we have taken away the keys from the car we bought her, and would not let the boyfriend take the baby until court records are submitted. Her boyfriend also is verbally and physically abusive with her. However, after two days of crying like a child, tonight she decides she wants to go back with him. How do I handle this situation? How can someone want to live like this.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your questions.

 

This is a very difficult situation you are in. It sounds as if your daughter not only has issues of her own, but she is in an abusive relationship with the father of her child.

 

I would highly recommend suggesting to your daughter that she get counseling. She can contact the local community mental health center for a referral. It sounds like she may need to work out her issues with her abusive boyfriend and develop a more mature and emotionally stable way of coping with her problems. A counselor would be able to help her explore her issues and find ways to cope that result in better outcomes.

 

You could also attend counseling with her, as a family. The support would help and you could also work on her issues with her and the effects her behavior is having not only on her child, but your family as well.

 

If she doesn't want to attend counseling, maybe the pastor at your church can help with talking to her or offer a referral for services/support.

 

You also may want to consider talking with your daughter about getting custody of your grandchild. I'm not sure this is an option for you, but it may be the best way to help your grandchild until your daughter can repair her situation. Talk with legal counsel and see what your options are. If you decide to go this route, start documenting the behavior you are seeing, particularly with the child's father. If there are police reports that is helpful as well.

 

It is good that you are there for your daughter. Hopefully, she will gain a better understanding of her situation and be able to take on the of being an adult and a mother.

 

I hope this has helped you,

Kate

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