Hello and thank you for contacting us.
It sounds like that your daughter is presenting with some mild behavioral problems which do not seem to be well handled at school. There are quite a few options that the teacher should try first instead of putting her in a lower group such as, bringing her to sit at the front to minimize distractions, not close to a window and if she would still be disruptive then certain measures should be in place such as withdrawal of rewards or benefits. Same at home, it sounds like you are applying a lot of good techniques, such as giving her attention. However, it also sounds like your parenting style may be a bit too permissive, allowing her to misbehave without having a structured system of rewards and withdrawals of rewards. So for example, it is good that she has the reward system but what about if she misbehaves?Also, you would need to look at your response when she misbehaves. Do you try and persuade her by talking to her to stop or do you withdraw your attention and limit e.g. play time or tv time?
There is a need for you to have a firm system and boundaries so she learns that misbehavior will cost her certain things. At the same time, she would need lots of positive attention when she behaves well (e.g. cuddles, positive talk). It is also very important that if there is another adult at home, you would both be consistent with this behavioral plan and both shared the same responses to her.
Hope this helps
Please feel free to share any feedback on these thoughts.
All the best
If I am giving her an instruction, for example; calm down and sit up properly at the table.
How many times should I have to repeat that instruction before I put her on the naughty step or remove a marble from her jar?
Well, It would be best if you found a good time when she is behaving well and after complimenting her for her good behavior, to tell her that you will be asking her once when she misbehaves and if she does not listen then she will need to go to the naughty step or remove a reward. She would need some sort of preparation for this new technique. Your goal should be that she listens after once. If you stick to your plan and not give in then she will eventually realize that you mean what you say. You should really avoid asking her three times, two should be maximum trying to cutting it down to one time.