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At his age of 16 months it will be very difficult to reason with him. What would work best is what is called "re-direction" which simply means to distract him with some other activity. He will not understand the cause/effect of the time out of sitting on the couch. Since he appears to be picking up these habits from the daycare, I would have a talk with the care provider and ask what they are doing with the children when this behavior is shown and make sure you are doing the same thing at home so he has some consistency.
If they are NOT doing anything about this and refuse to work with you to manage these behaviors it is time to find another daycare. Remember, he really can't understand cause and effect, so if you ignore the bad behavior and distract him or remove him from the situation and get him interested in something else you will have much more success in stopping this behavior.
so just distract him and do you think eventually he will stop this behavior?
when he is doing the hitting, he is looking me right in the eye like he knows exactly what he is doing
by the way, what should daycare be doing when this behavior is exhibiited at this age? would you say distraction method?
Yes, you can tell him "no" and then show him a toy or something that will distract him. I am sure he knows what he is doing, but for some reason this has been allowed to happen at day care. He wasn't hitting before that, so he has learned this behavior from other children. What he will not understand is the punishment. Children that age do not have the cognitive maturity to connect the punishment with the "crime" so to speak.
Again, yes, the daycare should be on top on this immediately and stop the child, remove them from the situation and distract them.
ok, so thats what i wanted to know was if you recommend distraction by both myself and the daycare
when should i be concerned?
Absolutely. Both home and daycare should use the same strategies so he will have consistency. I would become concerned if this continues more than two weeks, with ALL parties who care for this child using the same intervention.
ok, thanks. the screaming just started last week and it really threw me off this weekend. i just could not make him happy no matter what i did so I just let him scream. I didn't know how to handle it!
are you saying use distraction for the screaming, as well as hitting?
As for the screaming. You can tell him "no" and I would whisper this to him. You don't want to get into a shouting match with him. I would also whisper to him that we use our "inside voice" and ask him to whisper along with you. Distraction will probably not be as effective with the screaming. He is doing it because it sounds "cool" and he gets a reaction.
and that is exactly what I was trying not to do, which was give him a reaction.
If you think the screaming is getting out of control, you can give him a gentle "bear hug" that will restrain him while whispering in his ear that he needs to use his inside voice so Mommy can hear him.
It was a good idea not to react, but you can correct him gently.
ok, after i correct, shoudl i just ignore until it stops
yesterday it happened about 15X starting in the morning with his milk, and could last for about 20 minutes at a time. then he would be smiling but you would have thought he was in terrible pain or something
Yikes! This just started? I would whisper to him about using his "inside voice" try to calm him down, then ignore him. If these interventions don't work, it is time to talk to the pediatrician.
ok, thanks very much
i will try those strategies and see if it works
i just want to make sure i'm giving him the right support
You are doing just fine. This is unusual behavior for a child his age.