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Luann
Luann, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 158
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist, 24 years experience working with children, adolescents, families and adults.
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playing victim

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I often feel borderline hopeless/suicidal I guess. I feel so evil. I know I am toxic to people around me. What can I do? I can't sleep because I feel so terrible. I keep plaguing people with my misery for support then I fall down again. I wear everyone in my life out. I don't do a lot for myself. I can't seem to get anything done and don't see a way out. Should I keep reaching out to people? Maybe I am just not taking any responsibility for myself. What if I am just too worn out to help myself? Should I punish myself? That seems the only thing to make me feel better. Sorry to bother yet another person in this world. I only seem to be able to talk and not do anything to help myself. I am going into extreme debt and have nothing to pay it with either. Spending to make myself happy is bad. I wonder if I could just clean up as much as I can of my filth I have made of where I live I would be getting somewhere. It would even be wrong to kill myself and leave my troubles to my family. I need help again unfortunately. What do I do with myself?

Luann :

Hello

Luann :

You are right to reach out and seek support. Your friends can only do so much, they can only be your friend, not your therapist. You need professional help. My guess is that your friends feel overwhelmed because they do not have the skills to help you get better. See a counselor/therapist. Make an appointment today. The fact that you are not sleeping is only making your depressed/hopeless feelings worse. See your doctor too, they can start you on medication that can help you sleep. You will feel better with professional help. And your friends will be glad too. You have been trying to get help, you just need to reach out in the right direction.

Customer :

Sounds right. I need to go reach to right people. I'm afraid even counselors are frustrated with me and don't know what to do with me. I am afraid of the loss of energy to try and survive. I am afraid I will give up.

Luann :

Do not worry about counselors getting frustrated. I find it unlikely that they will, this is our job, to help people. If you think a counselor is getting frustrated, talk to them about it. You will find it very beneficial for you. My guess is you will find that your assumption is off base. You may find that that happens a lot for you because of your emotional state, it is skewing your perspective. Because of this you need to just take my advice and get an appointment with a counselor/therapist. Make an appointment with your doctor to discuss medication. Don't question it or think about, just act. It is the right thing to do and you will feel better.

Customer :

Ok, thanks. That really helps. I'll try and find a way to see a counselor. Mine will do $50 phone sessions. She is on maternity. Not sure if I could focus enough to figure out what to say on the phone.

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