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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5418
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I waited until I was 20 and had a serious boyfriend to have

Resolved Question:

I waited until I was 20 and had a serious boyfriend to have sex. That was 7 months ago, since then in the past few months I've been with 10 more people (many were from an internet site). It feels like I'm getting out of control and its affecting my friendships. Theres almost a need for me to have sex or go to bed with someone every night. Currently I'm juggling about 3-5 partners and it doesn't seem normal or healthy. I want to stop doing this. Is this hypersexuality or something else?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

From what you have described, it sounds as if you are developing a sexual addiction. This occurs when you feel a compulsive need to have sex. In other words, it becomes a perceived need rather than a choice. As the disorder progresses, it starts to affect family and friend relationships. It gets to the point that negative consequences do not stop your desire to fullfill the sexual need. Sexual partners are only used to fullfill the need and no relationships develop from the contact.

 

The first step to address this issue is to obtain an evaluation from a therapist or a sexual addiction treatment program. The goal of therapy is to not abstinence, but to end the addiction and compulsive behavior related to the disorder and be able to view sex in a healthy way. Most programs follow a 12 step program to help you conquer the addiction. These programs have built in supports to guide you through.

 

Therapy treatment can be inpatient or outpatient. You will also need support outside of therapy to help you cope with any urge to act on the sexual addiction. You should be able to find a treatment program in your area by contacting your local community mental health center or speak with your regular doctor.

 

In the meanwhile, I'd like to recommend some books to help you get started in understanding what you are feeling. One book is called Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction by Patrick Carnes. Another good book is In The Shadows of The Net: Breaking Free from Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior by Patrick Carnes Ph.D., David L. Delmonico Ph.D., XXXXX XXXXX M.A., and Joseph M. Moriarity. These are available on Amazon.com or your local library may be able to get you a copy.

 

It is a very good sign that you are reaching out for help. The fact that you realize you have a problem is the first step in successfully treating this problem.

 

I hope this has helped you,

Kate

 

 

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5418
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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