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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5419
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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my husband is driving me insane with really bad behaviour,

Customer Question

my husband is driving me insane with really bad behaviour, to be honest its been like this for years since he had an affair and kept it secret from me for 7 years telling me it was all in my head.Once he actually owned up to it , i thought all his excuse's and behaviour would stop. He had seen a councillor for a while and then stopped, because he said he's fine.But he don't see how it has affected me,he just goes on and on about himself and how it's affected him with guilt. He don't work properly and that then affects us at home, he is like a bear with a sore head all the time,i need help but how do i get this before he tips me over balance
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

I'm sorry to hear you are having problems with your husband's behavior. Anytime our partners act out, it can be difficult. In the case of an affair, it can be devistating to our trust and self esteem.

 

It sounds like from what you said that your husband is having issues with being self centered and not putting you first, particularly about the affair. In a relationship, the partners should be equal and each person needs to put the other first and consider their feelings. This is not the case in your relationship.

 

You mentioned that your husband has gone to counseling, but decided that he did not want to continue it. However, from what you said it sounds like he did not benefit or learn to cope with any of his issues within your relationship.

 

What needs to happen here is that both of you go to counseling together. There needs to be someone who can work with you both to make sure both sides understand what is going on and how the relationship can be repaired. If he refuses to go with you, go without him. At this point, it would benefit you to get support and to work out your feelings about the affair and the current issues in your marriage to determine how you want to handle it.

 

In the meanwhile, I can recommend some books to help you get started. One is Getting Past the Affair: A Program to Help You Cope, Heal, and Move On -- Together or Apart by Douglas K. Snyder PhD, Donald H. Baucom PhD, and Kristina Coop Gordon PhD. Another to try is Infidelity: A Survival Guide by Don-David Lusterman. Both of these can help you begin to heal from the trauma of an affair.

 

You are going through some very tough times in your marriage. Set aside time for yourself and try to gain support through friends and family. Sometimes this alone will make a world of difference.

 

I hope this has helped,

Kate

 

 

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5419
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
thank you, XXXXX XXXXX of counceling do you think i should get.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Well, if your husband will go with you, try for a couples/relationship counselor. If not, a counselor that does individual or relationship counseling would work. You want to find someone who has experience in what you are going through. If you can get a recommendation, all the better. Sometimes a local community mental health facility is a good place to start. Also, your regular doctor might have a referral for you.

 

My best to you! Take care,

Kate

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