Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
I am sorry to hear about the way you feel. It sounds like you are suffering and obviously the loss of your job does not help you to stand back to your own feet.
It seems that you suffered from post natal depression which triggered some other behaviors such as the shopping and alcohol addiction which were used as your coping strategies. It is very positive that you have been able to realize their destructive effect and stopped them. However, you seem to struggle to replace them with positive coping strategies and somehow it seems that you lack some personal resources. It is possible that the birth of your children triggered some very strong emotions and inner conflicts than cannot be contained. A birth can change a person's life completely and how positive or negative this change is perceived by the parent depends on many factors e.g. your own experience of being parented, early relationships with parents, childhood experiences, personal ambitions, current relationships, current support network and sense of identity/roles in the family etc.
If you believe that you have become anxious and depressed since their birth then this may help you overcome this quicker because that indicates that you did not always use to feel anxious. In your case, I feel that you would benefit from seeing a psychologist/therapist to explore the meanings of these anxieties and what they involve and why. You could engage with a CBT therapist who would look into the way you perceive things and monitor your thoughts and how these affect your feelings and behaviors. Then the therapy involves you learning to challenge these thoughts to healthier and more helpful ones while you acquire positive coping strategies. Other models, such as a psycho dynamic model would involve a more in depth work looking at personality development, early relationships and traumas in life. This is usually a longer term commitment during which the relationship with the therapist plays a very important role in therapy.
Since you realize that your recent experiences have changed you, I believe that you need to think seriously about finding a therapist and work on yourself. You owe it to yourself to invest this money for your psychological health which would obviously reflect positively on your relationship with your husband and children.
I hope this helps
Please feel free to share any feedback on these thoughts
All the best