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Mina
Mina, Clinical Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  Working as a Highly Specialist Clinical Psychologist in NHS. Experience in both children and adults
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Hi,My husband has this horrible habit of trying to know

Resolved Question:

Hi,

My husband has this horrible habit of trying to know other girls, usually online. He tells them how beautiful they are and that he's looking for a sexual relationship only. He swears that is just "talk to talk", that he does nothing at the end. He had done this when we were dating 3 years ago and now after a year of marriage. His best friends are still single and they're always talking about new girls they meet. They send these girls pictures to him. I tell him that he is playing with temptations. I want to get divorce but he wants to ge some help (therapy) first. He can't understand why he does it. He thinks it may be related with his dad abandoning him when he was four years old and low self-esteem looking for approval. I don't know what to believe. Please, what should I do? What should we do? What is the best help on these cases, a Psycologist or a Psychiastrist?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Mina replied 3 years ago.

Hello and thank you for contacting us.

 

I am sorry that you find yourself in this situation. I would say that this is not an accepted behavior on his behalf and it indicates certain issues with his sexual image but also his need to engage in sexual conversation. Poor self esteem can affect someone's need for approval but usually affects many aspects of self worth such as poor self esteem in skills, appearance, intellectual skills,or someone may be putting themselves down, not being decisive etc. The reason he mentioned (father abandoning him) could be further explored if your husband engaged with a Psychologist/ Therapist and received therapeutic input. However, if you both feel that this is more a relationship issue it may be best if you both saw a couple's therapist for couple's therapy. This would focus primarily on your relationship and the difficulties you are facing as a couple, your individual needs, your communication and how can the issues resolve. You could probably start from there and if during therapy it becomes evident that your husband needs to engage in personal therapy for himself alone, then this could be discussed with the couple's therapy.

 

A psychiatrist would not possibly be very beneficial at the point and would probably refer you to the above options.

 

I do believe that you both need to seriously discuss about engaging with a couple's therapist and the fact that your husband is positive about seeking help then this is a good sign.

 

I hope this helps

 

Please feel free to share any feedback on these thoughts

 

All the best

 

Mina

Mina, Clinical Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 188
Experience: Working as a Highly Specialist Clinical Psychologist in NHS. Experience in both children and adults
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