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Mina
Mina, Clinical Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  Working as a Highly Specialist Clinical Psychologist in NHS. Experience in both children and adults
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What are the effects on a person who has been lied to? I have

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What are the effects on a person who has been lied to? I have continually asked someone who i feel i know has lied to me but they either deny it or completely ignore me...i have been in quite an unhealthy mental headspace regarding this person for a year now...this is why i want to know what are the effects of someone lieing to you?

They have been confusing me for a longtime ans it seems whenever i get the chance to confront them, i do but realise at the end of the conversation, nothing is clear still. He very quickly denies things and then when it is obvious that his story no longer stands he explain how everything changed ( for example..he told me he was dieing and then all of a sudden he is cured, when i asked him if he was still very ill and dieing, he said actually chuckled and said 'no the treatment is working'}

It is really hard to know now whether im actually mentally ill myself...non trusting, paranoid etc...that is why i would like to know the effects of continually being lied to.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Mina replied 4 years ago.

Hello,

 

I am sorry to hear about the way you feel at the moment. From your description I understand that you are talking about a specific person who lies even about their heath. Depending on circumstances, lying usually affects the sense of trust we have towards someone. Trust is one of the most important thing in a relationship and if trust is "damaged" then the relationships be comes very complicated and problematic. This behavior can also affect someone's self esteem as they could be involved in checking behaviors (e.g. checking mobiles, correspondence, stalking) which may reinforce paranoid ideation and this in turn reinforces more checking and questioning which can often lead to many arguments. Self esteem can also be affected in terms of one questioning one's self value or appearance or intelligence etc. Also, a person can start to question theme selves and this may alter the person's perception of the truth and reality, trigger guilt feelings and ultimately prevent the person from making the right decision for themselves.

 

Obviously I do not know a lot about the person you are describing and whether he does lie about his health condition or not. However, I would advise you to follow your instinct and if you feel that there is a pattern of lie that he follows generally about himself either to attract attention or elicit sympathy or even assistance, financial or other then the best thing for you would be to leave this relationship. A statement like "I am dying" could be easily confirmed if you spoke to a family member of his. Generally speaking I would not advise you to start checking his personal staff to find proof. If you feel that he is not benefiting in any way by his statement to you that he is dying then this may true. So it would be best if you kept some distance and continue as normal the relationship without giving any notice or importance to his illness. If you feel that he keeps bringing it up because he has some benefit from this then this should be alarming. Also, do not forget that certain people have a disorder of being pathological liars and create all sorts of stories in a need to elicit admiration and attention. Your instinct and logic should be able to tell you who you are dealing with and what would be the best decision for you.

 

I hope that helps

 

Please feel free to share any feedback on these thoughts

 

All the best

 

Mina

Mina, Clinical Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 188
Experience: Working as a Highly Specialist Clinical Psychologist in NHS. Experience in both children and adults
Mina and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Hi Mina, Thankyou for your response. I would also like to ask if you confront a pathologocal liar will they deny or ignore the person asking? Does a pathologocal liar know they are lieing?

I have been reading about sociopaths and narrcissists and i feel my 'friend' may be one or the other. Whenever i read about the behaviour of such people and relate it to my relationship, I no longer feel trapped in this relationship (well not as much) I am just wondering if I can take this feeling (of when i read about these behaviors, something seems to make sense) as more confirmation that he is either a sociopath or narcissist?



Expert:  Mina replied 4 years ago.
Hello again

pathological liars are aware of their lies. Their difficulty is to stop lying. I couldn't say about your friend if he has either sociopathic or narcissistic personality traits as this would obviously need a thorough assessment. Sociopaths though are easily distinguished by other personality disorders as they lack empathy and remorse for their actions. I understand that you need to get a feel of the situation better but for you to even informally "diangose" someone, you would need to have good knowledge of the criteria otherwise you could be easily misled. He may have certain stronger than average traits (wither narcissistic or sociopaths) which possibly give you this "signal" and you can relate them to some traits of the above disorders. I can't really say though if this instinct of yours is true. However you may be feeling that this person is not the right person for you for various reasons. Without trying to put a label on these issues or even more a scientific label, you would need to consider if you want to be with a person like this and if you can cope with these certain personality traits.

I hope this helps

All the best

Mina

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Mina
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Working as a Highly Specialist Clinical Psychologist in NHS. Experience in both children and adults