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Luann, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 158
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist, 24 years experience working with children, adolescents, families and adults.
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dear luann, i have another question of a different nature.

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dear luann, i have another question of a different nature. it's about a friend who is my age and a female. she is the daughter of my dearest friend 71 yr old masseuse i've known Zsuzsa for 22 years. she always wanted me to befriend her daughter Caroline who is an alcoholic and drug user and a girl who sleeps around with many guys she meets
on the internet. her lifestyle doesn't affect me at all. I don't do drugs, drink or sleep around. as you know i stick with one boyfriend and am very loyal. when Caroline drinks she drunk dials and gets very abusive on the phone. i've known caroline for 8 years and now her mom, Zsuzsa, who i've known for 22 years has recently past away this past 3 weeks. Zsuzsa died of ovarian cancer. i miss her miserably. she was like a mother friend to me for 22 years and also i lost my mom when i was 13 years old and have been doing pretty well.
question is about caroline she calls now everyday with abusive phone calls and always did when her mother was alive and now she calls me everyday to tell me she is going to kill herself. i tell her that her mom would want her to live. another friend of hers called the police and put her on a 72 hr hold. she's out of control. i don't want to be her friend but i feel an absurd need to help her. i guess i feel guilty to drop her. ive always been there as her friend but she just can't be my friend she just calls and threatens and judges and spews anger at me. now that my duty to her mom is over i cannot see myself being a friend to her daughter who abuses drugs and calls me to yell at me. i sent her to rehab 2x i spent $5500 and $2500 for rehab for her drinking but she drinks even more.
i want to cut her out of my life. Her negativity went on even before her mom died but now she dumps on me more. she stresses me daily. i feel bad but i want to leave her and never talk to her again. What do i do?

Luann :

Hello, thanks for contacting me again.

Luann :

What a horrible situation! You are right to want to set boundaries. It is not healthy for you to put up with her angry abuse and it isn't helping her any either. Let her know that you are glad to talk to her but only when she is sober/drug free and let her know that she can not dump her anger on you. If she doesn't like it, she won't call. If she gets angry and is abusive, hang up. If she is threatening to hurt herself call the police. She can not make these kinds of threats without consequences. The more times she is put on a 72 hour hold the more likely she is to get the help she needs. I encourage you not to abandon her completely, but set firm, clear boundaries. If she calls when it is not convenient for you to talk, don't answer it, let her leave a message. You do not need to be at her beck and call. I hope that is helpful to you, let me know if you have further comments or questions.

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