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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5559
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I have just met a parapalegic man who has been so for 10 months...We

Resolved Question:

I have just met a parapalegic man who has been so for 10 months...We have talked on line and we really hit it off..He has just started to open up to me about his feelings of the disability, but has never discussed the consequences of wist down paralysis..however, I am aware of them all , I believe...He asked me for a date and then he stopped coaling and messaging...he hasn't been in touch with me for three days except to tell me that he was in bed for a stommach "thing" for a day and to postpone the date until after the holidays...I think he is avoiding me...our conversations were great, he told me he couldn't wait to meet me and we truly enjoyed each other...then all of a sudden nothing...I am concerned that hemay be having some kind of epeisode that he doesn't want to share with me or he just has decided that he is afraid for us to meet...I have told him how much I like him and do not want to push something that he doesn't want but I would like to know what is going on...any suggestions?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 3 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

It sounds like from what you said that you are concerned that this man is no longer interested in having a relationship with you. I can see at least four possibilities as to why that might be so:

First, he asked you for date, became scared of the idea, and backed out.

Two, he really was ill and needs more time to recover.

Three, he needs time to think through his options and to deal with any emotions he has about starting a new relationship.

Four, he may not be ready right now to start a relationship.

 

It would not be unlikely that he is concerned that you may not be aware of what you are getting yourself into with his disability, particularly if he is newly disabled. Handling a disability such as paralysis is hard and the complexity of emotions and ability to handle relationships would vary greatly from person to person, depending on how they reacted to their situation.

 

If you feel comfortable doing so, I would contact him once more, explain how you feel and leave the decision up to him. He may need time to decide how to proceed or he may feel uncomfortable at this point starting a relationship. Either way, you have tried and it's up to him to connect with you if he is willing.

 

I hope this has helped you,

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5559
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Mental Health Professional
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Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.