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TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5802
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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My Dog of 12 yrs needed to be put down 3 weeks ago. I took

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My Dog of 12 yrs needed to be put down 3 weeks ago. I took this very hard. I was on the internet looking at pure bread puppys and my Hiusand saw that I was looking at dogs. My Husband said , We just lost a dog and I really do not want ot get another right away . He said lets wait awhile ( 6 months) and we will see how we feel then . I agreed and said ok. His daughter went on Facebook and let her frineds know that the dog had passed. She also said to her friend . Yeah our dog died and I can not belive that kelly wants to get another dog right away . Her freind replyed " Tell Kelly to get a Gold Fish !!!. 2 days later my step daughter called her father in her room and told him that she needed to show him something before she left for school. When my Husband came back in , I could see in his face something was wrong . I sdia " Whats a matter? " He said nothing . That night when I got home from work I was talking to my Husband about our relationship and that we needed to start going out more. He changed the conversation and called his daughter to the living room and told her to bring her freing with her.I was shocked when i saw a dog walk thre the door. I lost it . I said dont you think that we should of spoke about this ??? He said she did not ask if it was ok she was at the pound and just brought it home. Well Well not goog for my relationship. Also, she knew/knows it is causing problemns between us and she dont care. The dog is still here, after my Husband told me I had to wait . We have kids from other realitionships and I feel that we need to agree first before we agree with our own children. I have a real problem with my Husband allowing this that it could end my relationship after 11 yrs. And I over reacting ????
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 6 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

From what you said, it sounds like your husband is putting his daughter before you in the marriage. The dog is an example of that. It also sounds like your husband is allowing his daughter to disrespect you, which is going to interfere with your ability to parent this child or any other child in the relationship.

 

Your husband needs to start recognizing you as equal to him in the hierarchy of the family. Although he has other children he brought into the marriage with you, he is responsible for backing you as the other parent and expecting his children to respect you, just as you need to do the same for him if you have children you brought in from other relationships.

 

Couples counseling would greatly help your situation. It might be the case that your husband needs to hear from someone else about how to handle the complexity of step-parenting. Setting rules you both agree on then following them up is a difficult task, one a counselor could help you both develop and practice. If your husband will not go with you, please go yourself. You need support to help you deal with the situation.

 

All the best to you,

Kate

 

Please click "accept" so I may receive credit for my answer. Thank you!

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

THANK YOU ! HOWEVER, DO I ALLOW THE DOG TO STAY , OR PUT MY FOOT DOWN AND SAY THAT IT MUST GO . REMEMBER I COULD NOT HAVE A DOG .

 

 

DO YOU THINK THAT KEEPING THE DOG IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO , OR HAVE HER FIND AMOTHER HOME FOR IT . I KNOW AND UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS

ONLY AN OPIOIN

Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 6 years ago.

I think it depends on what you want to do. Do you feel ok keeping the dog? If you are alright with it, then keep it. Let your husband know how you feel about it and tell him you letting the dog stay. Then gently insist on the counseling.

 

I hope this helps!

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