Thank you for contacting JustAnswer.
I'm sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time. It can be very difficult to grieve the loss of a family member. You may be grieving the loss of your father, as well as possibly suffering from either a depressive episode and/or an adjustment reaction to the grieving. Keep in mind that the stages of grief include: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. It is important to keep in mind that time will help with the grief process, as well as allowing yourself to feel your feelings in small amounts without allowing them to overwhelm you. Journaling can be quite helpful with grief. You might want to write whatever comes into your mind, or write letters to your father, that you shred or destroy when you are done. In these letters you can feel free to express all of your feelings, positive and negative without judging them or hurting anyone. It is normal to have mixed feelings. You might also write about your memories of your father, good and bad, in order to get them out rather than holding everything in. Individual therapy can be very effective to help you to learn to feel your feelings in a safe way and develop tools to improve your mood. Other tools such as exercise, eating healthy, structuring your days with some social interaction, meditation, volunteering, working and avoiding alcohol, which is a depressant, can all be quite helpful. This is a time to work on taking good care of yourself and building your self esteem and confidence and to give yourself unconditional love. Remember that each relationship, no matter how long it lasts can be an opportunity to learn and grow. I hope this is helpful. Please let me know if I can help further.