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Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  PsyD, LPC, CHt
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Im 23 year old female in a relationship with 26 yr for 4 years,Have

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I'm 23 year old female in a relationship with 26 yr for 4 years,Have 20mnths old son.He bought a car to help me learn driving and he told me dat once I get a job I will pay car installment until it fully paid up and under his name.I agreed,I paid instalment for 5mnths then I told him that I cannot do this anymore.It either you change the car to my name or I'm not paying it.He refuse to change it then I stopped paying.Do you think I betrayed him?How do I regain trust from him? because he forgave me but he doesn't trust me anymore.I love him so much.I wish things can get back to how there were before.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 6 years ago.

Hi,

 

If he had bought the car and you had an agreement that you broke, then yes it is going to be disappointing to him. The issue of why you can to pay- if it is due to financial reasons or just change your mind make a difference in how he's going to react. If your income changed, the that is understandable more so than if you simply changed your mind. He may feel taken advantage of even if the two of you had been together for a while but leave as a family.

 

If he has forgiven you, then it is more important that you forgive yourself and move on from there by insuring the two of you communicate more about one another's expectations.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

To: XXXXX XXXXX

 

 

Thank you doctor but please help I am really confused.I don't know if this man really love me or he love my money.

 

What made me stop paying is that we aren't married and I don't even have a car myself and paying someone else's car whom you dont even know whether he's going to marry u,I just thought it's not a good idea and beside that he always ask money from me but we both working,even for non important things and what irritate me even more is he demands.I agreed because I desperately need a job and without a driving licence I wasn't going to be hired.If he loved me and was willing to help me,was he not supposed to buy a car for himself and borrow me for practise? because I only used that car for 1mnth to practise and he want me to pay the whole price.If I try to talk to him he just get angry.

Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 6 years ago.

Yes, it makes more sense that he bought the car and let you use. If you used to borrow the car only for a month, then you should not be the one making the payments on it. He could have asked you to contribute some money towards the monthly payments and still be able to borrow the car as needed.

 

When someone loves you, you feel it. You don't question it. If you're doubtful about this (because you know him best), then your feelings may be telling you that he could be opportunistic in his interaction with you. Think about how would he treat you and what he would say should you stop giving him money for things he could buy himself with his salary. If you live as a couple whether you're married or not, it is ok to share financial responsibilities. What is not ok is if you feel taken advantage of or you don't get help from him.

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