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Dr. Olsen
Dr. Olsen, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2336
Experience:  PsyD Psychologist
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I believe that the man I am involved with may be a narcissist.

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I believe that the man I am involved with may be a narcissist. I tried to have a discussion with him last week about his tendency to not accept blame and to rationalize his behavior. Even though I was very tactful, he got very angry and gave me the silent treatment for about a week. He said he was too old to be "lectured" and he was not going to change. I was absolutely not lecturing. I left him alone and he finally called and seemed like he had gotten over the discussion, but shortly into the conversation he brought up the fact again that I had lectured him. I am an easy going person so it appears to me that this man will not let episode go. What do you think about his behavior. It is coming across to me as controlling. Thanks.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 6 years ago.
Hello & Welcome to JustAnswer. I am sorry to hear your situation.It sounds like your boyfriend may be in denial of his mistake. Do you think that his behavior

is characterized by grandiosity, need for admiration, and a lack of empathy? If so, he may have Narcissistic personality features.
People with NPD want only empathy, support and praise without any criticism. If you show slightest criticism, he may verbally attack you. He may be highly manipulative even in conversation.
In mental health, people with NPD are very difficult to work with because they have low or no motivation for change.

Please let me know if you have a question. Feel free to ask me more questions. Warm regards,
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thanks for the answer. I agree. I have noticed that he needs lots of attention and will ignore others, but hates to be ignored himself. I am usually very flattering, but felt at the time that maybe he might be open to a discussion, but obviously I was wrong. I have also noticed that he has a hard time saying he is sorry. Most of all his behavior is unpredictable and confusing. I am beginning to really rethink my involvement with this man. What do you think?
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 6 years ago.
Hi, It sounds like he may not have been open to a discussion. Can I ask what kind of things he did? So I may be able to answer your question.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

He was married twice, the first time for about 20 years and the second time about 16 years. Since his divorce about three years ago, he has been involved in a series of relationships, none lasting more than about 7 - 10 months. I have been a very close friend for about 2 1/2 years. He was saying that something always seems to happen with his relationships and when I mentioned that maybe he might look at his part in that, that is when he got angry. This is really the first time that I have ever mentioned directly to him my opnion.

Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 6 years ago.
Hi, It sounds like your boyfriend may be controlling in conversation and rigid in his thinking. However, there may be some possibility that he may become more open to you over time. I understand that you are questioning whether you should be with this man. The important thing is your feelings and intuition. Do you enjoy being with him? Do you feel comfortable with him? If so, you may give him a chance to improve his behavior for next six months. Please let me know if you have more questions. Warm regards,
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