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mindhealer
mindhealer, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 693
Experience:  Licensed in MD and am also a Board Certified Diplomate (Advanced Practioner) I have over 10 years experience
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I had a girlfriend that has been on bipolar meds for the last

Resolved Question:

I had a girlfriend that has been on bipolar meds for the last 8 years come to find out she is not bipolar and is recovering from that and post tramatic syndrome so everything was going great for about 2 months and we were falling for each other and the next thing i know she is hving anxiety about getting close. We were very open about are pasts and are problems. I have let my entire guard down and now shejust wants to be friends and I cant get over it. any advice
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  mindhealer replied 6 years ago.

mindhealer :

Good evening I would be happy to help....I am available and online...let me know when you are back online and we can meet in the chatrooom

Customer :

Im back online

mindhealer :

hello

Customer :

hello how are you

mindhealer :

First let me say Im sorry to hear about your circumstance

mindhealer :

Im well thank you....how are you?

Customer :

Im good

mindhealer :

Good

mindhealer :

You mentioned its been about 2 months now since the break up?

Customer :

its been about a month we were seening each other for 2 months i know its a short time

mindhealer :

not necessarily...long enough to develop feelings

mindhealer :

If I may ask....what is it that you're going through at this point? confusion, anxiety, feeling depressed, etc?

Customer :

I would say all three

mindhealer :

ok.....do you still have contact with her?

Customer :

I have a past of not letting my wall down and lack of words geeting what i want and moving on

Customer :

Yes we talk every now and then im trying to give her space to heal

mindhealer :

but this time you let that wall down and ended up getting hurt?

Customer :

thats seems to happen everytime

mindhealer :

understood

mindhealer :

you mentioned wanting to give her space to heal....though you didnt say that about yourself

mindhealer :

it sounds like thats what you need as well

Customer :

True but I have a conflict with myself on this one were I dont want to give up

Customer :

I have let alot of good girls slip away in the past

mindhealer :

I truly appreciate and understand what you're saying

mindhealer :

have you suggested couples counseling to her?

Customer :

no she is already in counseling for post traumatic stress

mindhealer :

ok

mindhealer :

how long ago was the trauma that she experienced?

mindhealer :

(Im a trauma specialist so you know)

Customer :

I believe about 8 or 9 years ago she was date raped twice. and was misdiagnosed with bipolar

Customer :

so i am trying to have kid gloves and understand her needs

mindhealer :

Thank you for sharing that with me....unfortunately its often misdiagnosed as bipolar...Im glad she's getting the right treatment now

mindhealer :

The approach your taking is a kind and gentle one.....its admirable what you are doing....however, its not getting rid of your pain...if anythiung its sustaining it

Customer :

true

Customer :

I am one that wants to help but you cant ya know

Customer :

I care more for other peoples well being than mine

mindhealer :

I know what you're saying....you're likely feeling helpless that you cant help her right now...is that accurate?

Customer :

yes and some selfishness becuase i want to be with her

mindhealer :

its not selfish at all

mindhealer :

its actually normal to feel that way

mindhealer :

you shouldnt feel guilty for wanting to be with someone

Customer :

true i guess my issue is i never had someone effect me this way it is usually all about sex and this time its all about the amazing person i see in her and i dont know if she can see it

mindhealer :

I can see that....its foreign territory for you and you're trying to do whats best for you both

mindhealer :

may I make a couple suggestions?

Customer :

yes please

mindhealer :

first one you've already done....you've let her know that you are there for her and are supportive of her

mindhealer :

PTSD can last for sometime so you should know that.....she may not fully recover but she will get better

Customer :

understand that

mindhealer :

my inclination is that she sees you standing by her she will understand how much she means to you

mindhealer :

thats first

Customer :

okay

mindhealer :

second I would suggest getting into therapy for yourself

mindhealer :

I think it would benefit you a great deal to start managing your emotios in a healthier manner

Customer :

have thought about that

Customer :

I lost my father five years ago to cancer and still have trouble dealing with that

mindhealer :

Im so sorry to hear that

Customer :

and have some anger

mindhealer :

I imagine this is also bringing up those old feelings as well

Customer :

but not hurtful anger just the normal what the F

mindhealer :

the anger is actually normal....its likely more frustration and hurt than anything else

Customer :

yes

Customer :

thats a better word

mindhealer :

My suggestion is to find a therapist you're comfortable with and get to work on yourself...put yourself first this time

Customer :

Okay

mindhealer :

do you have any other questions or anything else I can help with?

Customer :

I think thats all i guess i just need to here it from someone else thats not bias

mindhealer :

You can end the chat by clicking the Accept button if you feel Ive answered you thoroughly. I sincerely XXXXX XXXXX the best

mindhealer :

thats always helpful...hence therapy! :)

Customer :

Thank you very much have a great holliday

mindhealer :

you do the same

mindhealer and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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