Hi I can help you today
I am sorry to hear about your dad, it's hard to lose a parent especially when the surviving parent is difficult and negative.
Thank you. Yes very difficult. Dealing with your own grief and the grief of someone affected differently
If your mum has historically been less than an optimist she will feel sorry for herself and it is going to take a long time for her to come out of her grief. It has only been a year and that isn't a long time for some.
I will tell you that you should not go back home unless you want to, do not feel guilty about it either. You mum may be suffering from more than grief, she may be depressed.
If you have tried to get her help and she has refused then you need to take a step back, tell her gently that you are dealing with your own grief over your dad and it's her choice to not get any outside help. I know it's hard for you to not get drawn in, after all she is your mother. However, her negativity will only drag you down too.
So what do you do. You can get some names of therapists, you can find a grief group that meets near her home (try the churches) and give her the information. Tell her you love her, you will visit her but you cannot move back nor can you be subjected to all the negativity. Give her the list and offer to make some phone calls to set up appointments or find out times of any grief support meetings. Her local hospital may have support groups too for spouses.
Okay. Will do. Thankyou
You have to be strong (I know, it's tough). I wish there were a more concrete solution but she is an adult, you need to validate to her that you understand how hard it is for her but that it will be up to her to decide when to do something about it. Remember though, it may take her longer than a year.
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Your advice has been very useful....thank you
Also, tell her that you have reached your limit in terms of listening and that there are other women in the same position as she is and she would benefit from reaching out to them (in group)...good luck and my sympathies again. I know how hard this is for you.
you are very welcome.