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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5220
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
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Hi i have been in a relationship for 13 years, having a

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i have been in a relationship for 13 years, having a loving wife and four wonderful children. In addition, i have a successful job. However, I am so insecure that i do not trust my wife where i have no reason not to and fear losing her. I hide this from her but the internal stress is so great that i can feel the adrenalin like poison in my arms. What is the best way to deal with this fear of losing her? I know the insecurity comes from a bad relationship from childhood with my father.

Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 5 years ago.

Hi, Ken! I believe I can be of help with this issue.

First, let me say I can imagine how overwhelming this situation must be for you. On the one hand you've been to therapy and thought this was all straightened out. But on the other hand you see the symptoms of insecurity and lack of trust and lack of sense of self-worth coming back again and very strongly.

And this is actually the key to my answer to you that you need to consider and think about. Therapy is not like surgery. In surgery for appendicitis, for example, the appendix is removed once and then it's gone. It no longer affects the patient. Therapy, however, is not like that. It is an exploration of what's going on inside of you.

So, you explored inside to a certain depth and level and found relief and insight and useful approaches to living the way you want to live. You now have seen that it is time to explore deeper and farther into yourself to see what is activating the insecurity, suspicion, and lack of self-worth now. So reactivating therapy is the correct way to approach this work you need to do.

It is so important that you recognize that the lack of trust is on your part and that you have work to do in exploring yourself. If you can renew your relationship with your psychologist again, that would be very useful. If you want to establish a new relationship with a new psychologist, you may consider seeking a psychologist who works in a more humanistic and/or psychodynamic orientation to work on these newer levels of exploration within yourself.

Okay. I wish you the very best!

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