I know Trevor. I know.
You are crushed and you have every reason to feel as you do. You are desperately seeking answers and no doubt going over things again and again and constantly trying to figure out what you did wrong. It is a useless exercise because I think you probably did nothing wrong at all.
I really just do think she felt trapped once you married. I think there are just some people who feel this way and it really does not have anything to do with what you might have said or done or not said or done. She felt trapped. It was her perception of marriage and thats all there is to this. And yes, I am sure she still does love you deeply and is also probably very confused by her own behavior even though she may not be able to verbalize this.
The better able you are to not contact her (no phone, no texts, no emails, no letters, not even an accidental run into at the grocery store) the more likely she will come around and think about what she has walked away from. You have a better chance of reconciling your marriage if you do not contact her. If she contacts you, sound cheerful and upbeat but be too busy to speak with her. Yes, you read me right. Be too busy for her.
In your most upbeat and cheerful voice say.............Hey Baby good to hear from ya... I am in the middle of something here, can I call ya back?............and then DO NOT call her back.
Send her the message that you are not totally dependent upon her for your happiness. Send her the message that every breathe you take and every heartbeat is NOT about her even though you and I know differently. I know that can barely breathe much less eat or sleep without her but don't you let her know that.
Let her try calling you a few times before you call her back and then be upbeat and cheerful but do not do any heavy relationship talk over the phone.
Arrange to meet at a public place like a restaurant and let her know how much you love her and want the marriage to work out but you are not going to die if the marriage does not reconcile. I think if she feels less suffocated and as if you are less dependent on her for your happiness then she will very well consider re opting into your marriage.
Please also find a counselor for yourself. You need someone caring and compassionate who is on your side and can listen to your fears and frustrations and help you through this. As illustrated above, its okay that I know what is happening with you but its not okay that your wife knows right now. It scares her and keeps her away. So find a therapist for you on this.
Good Luck Trevor. Drop me a note down the road and let me know how this goes for you>
Edited by cathy on 12/3/2010 at 4:02 AM EST