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Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  PsyD, LPC, CHt
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I am having issues with my 11 year old son. I have recently

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I am having issues with my 11 year old son. I have recently told him he needs to move primary school at the end of the year as I am moving house. He is going into his last year of primary school. His younger brother - 9 - will move too and is looking forward to it. M keeps screaming at me that he does not want to leave - he's normally very respectful - last week he told my ex-husband (good coparening relationship) that he would kill himself if we forced him to move. He cries and sulks. There are a lot of reasons for the move including money, distance, no public transport from the new house to his existing school. I tried to talk to him again tonight and he just yelled and refused to engage. I have promised him something special? I have explained that this will allow us to buy him braces. He just says he'll give up anything he needs to to stay at the school. What can I do?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 3 years ago.

Hi,

 

He is still dealing with the news and what the change means to him (loss of friends, familiarity, his school/teachers) Change is anxiety provoking. Even though you're explaining the reasons to him for the move, he is resorting to emotionally reacting (anger, frustration, defiance) instead of the logic behind what you're telling him.

 

Try to target his emotional side. If possible, take him to the new area and new school for a visit. Explore together what the neighborhood offers, ask him to help you with finding a house, grocery store, etc in the new area.

 

You can share the things you will miss after your move to the new place (your own friends, co workers, etc) Change can be exciting once he gets over his apprehension. Of course, it would help if your ex remains positive about the situation and encouraging instead of triggering him.

 

Let your son know that he can still keep in touch w/ his friends via phone, mail, internet/Skype and that he would be able to make new friends and explore new things. Explain to him that life is about change whether he wants it or not. Everything changes and at times it offers positive things (those you've already spoken to him about)

 

For the time being, try to get him as involved with the move as possible. If you have relocation guides/newspapers etc. about the new area, involve him in learning and telling you what is available there, what things he would like to do and what places to visit. If the area has any amusement parks, bowling alleys, karate clubs, etc. let him make a list of the things he would like to check out. Reassure him that you're available to talk about how he feels, that you accept his anger and sadness and that you do care about his reaction.

 

 

Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: PsyD, LPC, CHt
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