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You need to trust your instincts. This man's reaction was way out of line. Don't let your fond memories of high school cloud your judgment.
Has he apologized? Has this happened at other times?
Weirdly, he did this just answer thing first and the response he received was surprizing to me which is why I thought I would do it as well. I am going to try to cut and paste what he received for you to see. I certainly understand that we each see things through our own filters so how he remember the senario and how I do differ...I've tried to clearly state what I remember...and yes, it has happened other times, not all of the time but definitely from time to time.
My girlfriend teaches college students, male and female, a fitness class a couple times a month. When I went to one of the classes she refused to introduce me as her boyfriend and just told them I was a friend she had grown up with and was visiting. She said her personal life wasn't any of their business. I got upset. I mean, what's so bad about just being truthful. The kids don't care who I am and I doubt they would think anything unprofessional about me being introduced as her boyfriend. That's who I am! She said her personal life is none of their business and won't budge.. I think it's strange of her to even think like that. They all have girlfriends and boyfriends. She's 53.. am I missing something? I find it unsettling to be introduced as just a visiting friend. Am I wrong?
She does try and maintain the distance.. she wouldn't even let me drive the car for fear they might think I was her boyfriend.... OK... it just seems extreme and not all that honest. I mean, it's not like sharing our sex life with them. : ) I'm her boyfriend.. so what? you know? Why the drama?
Hi, I understand your feelings. It sounds like you are open and honest to everyone. Did you two talk about this in depth? What did she tell you more?
She said nothing more really, just that she wants to keep her personal life from them... and I do think being honest is the best way to go. Like I said, it's one thing to share our sex life, quite another to be introduced as who I actually am. I guess I never thought that telling anyone, even students at a college, that "this is my boyfriend Dale" would be too much information. Maybe it is.
Hi, Some college students can be curious about their teachers' personal or sex life. Some students might start asking her about you or her relationship after she introduces you as a boyfriend. She may want to avoid such discussion with her students. What do you think?
Could be. I guess it would have helped if she were more open to explaining it to me. Just saying I'm sorry it upsets you and leaving it at that is not very inclusive I guess. I'm the kind of guy who would have just explained it to her if the roles were reversed. It's the lack of sensitivity I suppose. It's like, this is how it is.. deal with it!! : ) She's not very good at being empathetic in general : )
Hi, It sounds like your girlfriend may lack empathy and sensitivity for you in general. You may communicate your feelings with her assertively. Honest communication is very important to your relationship. Perhaps, she may not know how you are feeling about this. What do you think?
She knows how I feel, not sure she cares : ) I mean.. it's not hard to explain her thoughts to me I wouldn't think. She has no problem telling me what bothers her!!! : )Thanks Doc.
No, he hasn't apoligized. In fact, he says that the cause of this whole thing is because he feels like I didn't give him enough information to understand why I felt the way I did....
It sounds like the expert gave him a good answer. I am concerned that you experienced his response as angry and as you said he "flipped out." He also acted quite childishly in saying he would not be there when you returned. You are also correct in saying that he gave the expert his viewpoint of the exchange, just as you are giving yours. I still believe he acted out of order. You have a right to present him to your students in any way you wish.
His statement that you did not give him enough information may be true. My objection is to his reaction. It was infantile and quite counter-productive. Did he think you would change your mind if he acted in such a way? I don't think so. He was being irrational.
Agreed....It's a pattern ...but I just want to be sure that I'm missing something in my behavior..
not missing something....
If this is a pattern, you need to sit down with him over a cup of coffee and determine just what the nature of this relationship is. You two need to decide what your status is, boyfriend, or otherwise, and to whom this will be disclosed. He is operating under a different set of assumptions than you are. You need to get on the same page.
I like him very much but the irrational part of him throws me way off....just like maybe the strong, me in charge part of me throws him off....it makes for some fireworks and I've never had a relationship like this before and am not sure that it's healthy for either of us.
You might start by asking what being a boyfriend means to him, then tell him what it means to you. Do you consider him your boyfriend? If not, what would change your opinion? These issues need to be addressed in order for this relationship to continue. You are right that once you have this talk you may find the relationship will not be viable. If you cannot agree on definitions, you may need to part ways.
He definitely has some terrific qualities and my instinct is to try to work through the differences, the part that worries me is the fact that he even has the ability to react irrationally, i.e., getting out of the car, pitching a fit...it's weird to see a grown up act like that.
Yes, it is, and if it is a pattern, I doubt that things will change. The question for you is: Can you live with him having tantrums like this? Once it blows over are things OK?
yes, but it's very stressful for me during these times..I always think to myself that I would just die if he ever behaved like this in front of my family or friends.
and no, I couldn't live with him having these episodes. :(
You have been extremely helpful. I am glad that he went to this site :) I think between the two responses we'll have a positive conversation and some growth. Thank you very much.
Then you have your answer. I still suggest that you discuss this with him first. He may wish to see a therapist to help with with this impulsive behavior.
My pleasure. Best to you!