ok, you' ve given me alot to think about. The quick answer to your questions is that I'm scared of what he might do as he's capable of violence and God knows what else. We live on a farm and have a herd of donkeys and 5 dogs and other critters you'd find on a farm. He takes no responsibility for them, so I take care of them. Have sold some, others I am very attached to and it would be a huge loss, which I have had enough of the last few years, losses that ultimately caused my episode of stress cardiomyopathy--I have brothers in Hawaii, but no other family, all have died, so its me and my daughter really. The home that I could move to is in town so it would be a hardship with the animals, and to be honest, I can't stand the thought of selling them although I may have to. I would prefer that he leave, but he won't, I would have to support that for the sake of my health and that of my daughter. When my daughter is 18 she has a house of her own to go to. I would likely go with her so I need time to deal with animals and all the details without telling him. You aren't asking r suggesting anything I haven't been asked before. And lastly, the economy has taken a toll on my finances (as a hospital/healthcare exec prior to retirement due to illness) and the business. I'm trying to turn the business around from what he set up and am starting to see some improvement. My thought was once the business was self sustaining, would hand it over to him and rid myself of it. Unfortunately we bought the building the business is in and have a fairly substantial mortgage, so I can't excape the financial drain every month. I feel that in part he married me because I made very good money at one time, raising my daughter (she was a joy)was hell because he couldn't handle the normal stress of raising a child (so I have and she's great, understands her dad has problems and she doesn't seem to let them bother her). Maybe I should do what you suggest, make an appt for him with our pcp, go with him and discuss tremors, etc. Look forward to hearing back whenever you have time, thank you. and by the way, I have a few bad habits myself, mostly due to self medicating to get away from him in my head. I am aware of this, do not over due things when I'm away from him, in fact don't even think about needing anything excert for what's been prescribed. However, I have a tendency toward substance abuse when I am stressed and he enables me to do these things.
So you can see I'm in a bit of a jam. I long to be single again, but truely enjoy my husband and family when things are good. I think we should be apart, but I'm not sure how to go about taking those steps and fear the financial consequences. I recently inherited a great deal from my stepfather and mother's trust, mostly stock which is intact, but all the cash was used up on paying off bills and making payments on the building. Alone, I can't quite make it as he brings in some money now from the business which has huge potential, its just that we live in a small, geseconomically challenged working class community and even with the economy improving its slow to catch up here. He comes up with some wild ideas, pays no attention to our budget, and I've told him I'm about to pull the plug on the business if he doesn't make some immediate changes (he has complied somewhat). This is his second marriage, his first broke up for the same reasons I've described above, he has minimal contact with his 3 other grown kids and grandkids, that relationship is strained and they resent me and my daughter, which again, he denies....won't go visit them in Texas without me, but they want to see him, not me so why put myself and my daughter, who they also resent, in that position? I'm not afraid to say no, I'm only afraid of what he might do when I do. thanks