How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask mindhealer Your Own Question

mindhealer
mindhealer, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 693
Experience:  Licensed in MD and am also a Board Certified Diplomate (Advanced Practioner) I have over 10 years experience
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
mindhealer is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I am in the middle of a breakup that happened 6 weeks ago...there

Resolved Question:

I am in the middle of a breakup that happened 6 weeks ago...there was no closeure for me...it was just over...i am perseverating on this day to day...I know it is unhealthy and know what i should do as far as getting out etc...but I have been so terribly hurt..I am 62..My husbnd committed suicide 5 years ago and my heart was broken...I never thought I would fall in love again, but 81/2 moonths ago a man contacted me online...at first I rejected his advances (online) because he lived 2 hours from me and we had different educational backgrounds, but he was persistent and I started to like him...to make a long story shoort we met and the relationship developed to the point that he asked me to marry him...I siad that we needed more time but I would certainly commit my love to him..he did as well...anyway one night he called said he didn't want the relationship and that was it...he has gotten a new cell phone, erased me from all social media and is starting to send virtual flowers to an old girlfriend..I don't know why I can't let go of this...I guess i thought i was going to have some happiness in my lofe again and not be alone...I hate this...should i go to his hometown and confront him and ask him what happened?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  mindhealer replied 3 years ago.

mindhealer :

Good evening. Im so sorry you're having such a difficult time. I would be happy to help you. Let me know when you are back online and we can meet here in teh chatroom

Customer :

am back

mindhealer :

Hello

Customer :

hi

mindhealer :

First let me say I am so sorry you're going through this

Customer :

thank you...i am so upset...should be old enogh to just chalk it up to a bad experience but I cant

mindhealer :

if only life worked that way

mindhealer :

doesnt matter how old we are...we can still get hurt

Customer :

my life has been a mess for a log time

mindhealer :

and Im sure this feels like the culmination...

Customer :

lol yes but I know its not...more bad things always come

mindhealer :

lol

mindhealer :

as for your question.....

mindhealer :

I think the first question you need to ask yourself is what purpose would it serve for you to confront him as you mentioned

Customer :

I was a teher and in 2004 I got legionnaireds diseas from my office...then in 2005 my huisband committted suicked and my blood pressure spiked and Imy aorta dissected...then I left my job and home in Md and moved to Pa wihere my sister lives and I had a strokd...last March i met robert..had been doing some dating but noothing felt right and then he came alpn..u know the rest

Customer :

I want to know what happedned

mindhealer :

I understand that reasoning

Customer :

I want to be able talk to him abt it

mindhealer :

believe me....even if you show up at his door...do you think he'll talk?

Customer :

I think if I had had some closeure this wouldnt be taking so long

mindhealer :

Thats a fair statement....but closure comes in many forms

Customer :

I don't know...he may shut the door and then I would be devastated

mindhealer :

have you considered seeing a therapist to work through this?

Customer :

he told me he loved me that he had never met anyone like me he said all the right things and did all the right things and I was very attracted to him

mindhealer :

I understand what you're saying...honestly

mindhealer :

and he quite likely meant it....but a lot of people are also incredibly selfish

Customer :

I hav been trying to go thru all of the steps to healing, but nothing works...I have been thru alot of counseling in my life...i know what to do it just isn't working

Customer :

getting worse

Customer :

I know that

mindhealer :

having gone through therapy....doesnt mean that you can treat yourself this time...you could benefit from getting this out

mindhealer :

and not just by talking to friends or family

mindhealer :

you need someone objective who can help walk you through this...

Customer :

i just dont know if i can do it

Customer :

i am on prosac and that is helping, but when I see things that he sends tothis woman on Facebook...I go nnuts....(crying)

mindhealer :

I know that you can....you've come this far in life...and to continue feeling this way over a man who does not deserve it....meaning you dont deserve to feel like this because of him

mindhealer :

he's not worth it

Customer :

I know...but I still love him...the eternal delemna

mindhealer :

and I appreciate that

Customer :

I never thought I would cry again after my husband committed suicide...I was wrong

mindhealer :

first thing you need to do is to remove any form of communication and from you seeing what he is sending this other women...thats maiuntaining your perseveration

Customer :

ok

mindhealer :

good

mindhealer :

next thing....I imagine having been through therapy...you're familiar with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy??

Customer :

i am ready to do anything at this point...am miserable and feel like a child

Customer :

yes

mindhealer :

excellent

mindhealer :

There is a workbook that I think can help you

Customer :

ok

mindhealer :

basically its you looking at your thinking patterns and correlating them with your emotions

mindhealer :

do you recall ABC sheets during therapy?

Customer :

no...I know what cog therapy is, but that was not a big part ofit formally anyway

mindhealer :

ok.

mindhealer :

these sheets will give you an insight into your thoughts that you cant see unless you write them out

mindhealer :

they will also question the validity of these thoughts and force you to explore alternative thinking patterns thus improving your emotional state

mindhealer :

basically working to rid you of the negative thinking

Customer :

ok i have been writing my own things right now about what I thought happene and why it wouldn't work etc..makesme feel betterteimporarily, but the I fall apart again

Customer :

ok

mindhealer :

that actually is good...but the sheets and the approach I identified is more concrete and will help you more

Customer :

definitely need to get rid of these negative thoughts about myself

Customer :

ok

mindhealer :

the worksheets and workbook are the first step until you get into therapy

Customer :

ok

mindhealer :

You seem to be to good a person to let this man hurt you like this

Customer :

bad things just keep happening and happening and as I get older I don't think I am coping as well

mindhealer :

no one is worth it.....believe me...Ive treated it professionally and been through it personally

Customer :

I am a sweet soul...someone told me that lol I taught blind children

mindhealer :

its not that bad things keep happening....its how you manage them that truly counts

mindhealer :

You seem to be :)

Customer :

I absolutely know that I'm not alone in going thru this, but I have no one ...my kids are scattered, my sister is very busy with her family and i am very unhappy here

Customer :

I came out of my 50's from a prodducitve active woman to an emotionally and physiscally damaged woman

mindhealer :

Overcoming Depression: A Cognitive Therapy Approach Workbook


mindhealer :

Thats the workbook I was speaking of. Definitely start there

Customer :

I had a life...I made a life with my second husband...my first was a doctor who had a second family for 6years

Customer :

can i get that at a bookstore

mindhealer :

hence having a therapist who can help you....family is wonderful but can only be so supportive

mindhealer :

you will likely have to order it on Amazon or borders.com

mindhealer :

they usually dont carry them in stock

Customer :

makds me so mad...my familyis going to say ..here she goes again...needs a shrink

Customer :

can't handle life

mindhealer :

Nope....they dont even need to know

mindhealer :

and it has NOTHING to do with no handling life

Customer :

ok

mindhealer :

you were dealt a devastating blow....honestly I wouldnt be able to do it alone

Customer :

what is it then? why do I feel so bad?

Customer :

I still love him and I want to be with him

mindhealer :

I think part of it is that you opened yourself up to this person and he let you down

mindhealer :

you allowed yourself to be vulnerable...which isnt a bad thing...but with the right person

mindhealer :

you can learn from this experience..I promise you that

Customer :

oobviously Im not a good judge of people

mindhealer :

may I share something with you?

Customer :

of couraw

mindhealer :

when we are dealing with people who have personality disorders...as Ive determined he does....we dont see it while in the midst of it....Im a specialist and trained for years.....I went through this as well

mindhealer :

and went to therapy to get through it

mindhealer :

we dont always see because we often do get blinded by out emotions

Customer :

lol had to tell my cardiologist about this because my blood pressure wss up and he said that he thinks he must have a mood or personality disorder too

mindhealer :

has nothing to do with our judgement of others

mindhealer :

its ok maam....I had to go on BP medicine as well after the break up....just remember....we get better every day :)

Customer :

I thought I was being very carful because my second huband was bipolar

mindhealer :

Im sure that you were....but we get caught off guard at times.....not your fault

Customer :

he loved me and i loved him too, but just didn't want tot go thru the pain of all of that again

Customer :

I just want to be normal again

mindhealer :

and you shall be

mindhealer :

you will be hurting for a little while...just please take my suggestions and follow them

mindhealer :

they'll help

mindhealer :

and you will feel better

Customer :

thank you...I will get on it in the morning...thank you

mindhealer :

Its my pleasure....truly

Customer :

thank you again

mindhealer :

if there is nothing further I can help you with you can end the chat by clicking the ACCEPT button

mindhealer :

I wish you well!!

mindhealer, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 693
Experience: Licensed in MD and am also a Board Certified Diplomate (Advanced Practioner) I have over 10 years experience
mindhealer and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
< Last | Next >
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • Armed with your answer I was able to talk with my son and daughter-in-law about their child who wasn't growing and who wasn't speaking. Since then she has grown about 1/4 of an inch and picked up 4 lbs. Her appetite and awareness have both improved. Sydney Galveston, Texas
  • You are absolutely the best team of health professionals on the WEB! MB Rosedale, NY
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education