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Mina, Clinical Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 188
Experience:  Working as a Highly Specialist Clinical Psychologist in NHS. Experience in both children and adults
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For Mina, Ive been doing some research on this and to add

Customer Question

For Mina, Ive been doing some research on this and to add something about your query it looks like I'm complinat and shes a controller. I feel controlled and resentful, she feels good and doesnt like being nagged. I dont know about not being nagged because she loves any sort of attention. It says I am the one who needs to take ownership and stop voluntereing my power to her becuase such is a way of controlling her. We are compaible becuas I look for someone to repair and she lloks for someone to take care of her. My question is if this is actually compatible or whether this is toxic and not worth it, although I ahave to admit its like the sex is almost worth is. Its incredibly hard to go no contact even from another country. I wonder if I jsut surrender to it all and be nice as I can?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Mina replied 5 years ago.
Hello again,
Hope you are well.
I think that you have a valid question regarding the compatibility. Many times people find that their partners meet their needs by having some personality traits somewhat opposite to their own. This usually can bring a nice balance in the relationship e.g one being a logical person and the other one more emotional, one somewhat anxious and the other one more contained etc.. However, I believe that you have given yourself the answer you are looking for by saying at one of your previous posts that a lot of the times you feel like you are carrying a burden. In this post you are also saying that you feel frustrated and resentful that she is controlling you. Those statements indicate that certain parts of you object to this relationship and the fact that you feel controlled. So someone could say that you are not compatible since you do not like these sides of hers. On the other hand, if you feel that you do not like them but you need these parts of hers, this may indicate a somewhat pathological relationship and attachment and this leads us to our previous posts regarding repeating past relationships and patterns.

Does this make sense? Please feel free to give any feedback on these thoughts.

All the best

Mina and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
A pathological relationship, has a certain ring to it. I like it. Actually I appreciate your answer and was reading more 'Trapped in the Mirror' last night , about kids from NPD parents. This is a classic case. See, I cant even say 'I am' a classic case. I think the mess up is love. So now I have to ask the question can I really change? Will it ever matter? kind regards, James
Expert:  Mina replied 5 years ago.

well, I generally try to avoid to use the term "classic case" as I believe that we all are different and unique. Your upbringing may have had certain aspects that affected you in certain ways but at the same time, other experiences you had, other attachments that you formed, friendships etc. and your temperament, all contribute to what you are today. To answer your question about change, I would like to say that all people that genuinely want to change, can and do change. Many times it takes hard work and commitment in therapy but if you want to change then of course you can. I believe that the best model that would suit you would be a psycho dynamic model or psychoanalysis that looks deep into the past relationships and through the relationship that you form with the therapist you are able to work on your issues. I definitely believe that you can work on these possibly dependent traits that you have, explore your deeper needs and fears and at the end become a more fulfilled person being more aware of your thoughts, feelings and actions. Having a solid therapeutic goal such as exploring certain sides of yours and how they are applied in your relationships always helps in giving the work more focus.

I do wish that you will think about it seriously and when you feel ready you will begin the work with yourself.

All the best to you


Edited by Mina on 11/29/2010 at 9:57 PM EST
Mina and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

It seems loud and clear to go to therapy, and others that do say I need to as well.

Okay, I will get in the YEllow Pages and have a look around with those keywords in mind. Cheers Mina..

Expert:  Mina replied 5 years ago.
I wish you all the best in your efforts

Take care


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