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ok thanks for this response. when you have a few more minutes maybe we can talk about whether or not there is anything i can say now to help. i can recommend therapy but i know he won't go
i really appreciate your response. thank you.
No problems. Sorry it wasn't much of a 'chat', rather me typing, but the system seemed to be doing its own thing. It missed out a paragraph that I wrote about your friend - he is seeing himself in the 'victim' position and this is a very passive position to be in, as it feels as if everything is being done to them, rather than taking control and being able to do things for them self. If he sees that he has the responsibility for himself, then the control comes back and he can feel more motivated. You are right, no-one can make anyone do or feel anything, but they can allow others to make them feel this way. Your friend perhaps could not control the past and was perhaps the 'victim' during that time, but now he needs to move on and take control. I cannot tell you how good EMDR would be for him, or maybe even some hypnotherapy might help, but he needs to be motivated to do this.
With very Best Wishes, Sarah
I meant to add that you can find more information about emdr at www.emdr.org.uk