When I was 18, I was in college. I got upset about loosing a card game. I drove away in a car. I got into an auto accident in this state of annoyance. During the ensuing discussions with the Psychiatrist, I repeatedly used word choices that precisely answered questions but did it in a way that was counter to convention: E.G. when asked: "You didn't go to the movie last night?", my answer was "YES" when I wanted to mean I didn't go. E.G. when asked "Is there someone sitting in that chair?", I would say, "if so, they must be very, very tiny!", when asked "Is that dog a boy or a girl?", I would say, "No, its a dog." Perhaps that's why the pyschiatrist thought that I was not going to open up to a woman.
I just came back from a WEEKEND emotional workshop/training where I may have effectively excised a major part of the hurt associated with the fact that my 2.5 year older brother severely beat me up at least once a week my entire life until I was fourteen. During the last ten of those years, I regularly promised myself that I would kill him decades later. Then, he just stopped doing it. Even during all of those years, I loved him and forgave him, but I never forgot the lesson: how dangerous it was to express my anger.
I hit 2 of my former wifes who yelled at me. 3 times in my life. So I have been terrified of my own anger!
Thus until, Saturday (2 days ago), I was unwilling to abide someone else's yelling. Now I am going to put up with it. FACE it and... Convert it into a compassionate and healing process. But my wife is still jabbing like in a bull fight. I wish she would stick to a head-on fight wherein I can use my new (hopefully) power and determination.
Is there still hope for this marriage? How can I get the desired process to start? How can I get us love-making?