Hello and thank you for contacting us.
I am sorry to hear that you struggling with this dilemma in your life. What you are describing is a very valid concern and dilemma. From one hand you are involved with someone who has had a very troubled childhood and possibly does not feel ready for children or cannot put himself in the fathering position but you have been together for 7 years, and on the other hand you have already started developing feelings for another man who seems to share the same dreams as you but this is a new man in your life and you probably not know him that well. No one can really give guarrantees on these issues. You would need to consider many things such as what are your true feelings about your current partner, what you think are his true feelings about having a family (e.g. does he agree with you so he does not lose you?), if you feel that he is mature enough to deal with problems coming up in the family, how he has dealt stressful situations before, what is his commitment towards you, if you can see yourself for your rest of your life with him and last but not least, what you think has led you to seek another relationship with a new man. This last question would need a lot deeper exploration as it may hold certain truths about your needs and wishes. You also need to think about this new man and what he has brought in your life that is exciting you and is making you have this dilemma.
I believe that in any case most of you will be hurt, you as well having to lose one or the other. However, changes and especially loses or break ups are often hurtful and you learn from those as well.
I believe that you would benefit from seeing a psychologist/therapist to help you explore all the above questions and more, feeling contained and safe at the same time. You would feel supported and could help you make the best decision for you. This decision would come naturally to you when you will not be in a position to struggle to chose but when you will be certain about what you want more and what or who you cannot live without.
Please feel free to share any feedback on these thoughts
All the best
Edited by Mina on 11/16/2010 at 1:10 PM EST