How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH Your Ow...
Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH
Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 251
Experience:  Over 15 years of experience as a substance abuse therapist. I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker
25692555
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Im 46 yr. old female construction worker and my job takes

Resolved Question:

I'm 46 yr. old female construction worker and my job takes me out of town Mon.- Fri. my guy has mental erection disorder and takes Viagra but also doesn't have much interes in sex with me but yet turns to porn on the computer. He says he uses it to "Jack" him up. When i am laid off work and home things don't get better and when i try to talk about it and express my disapproval of porn he gets defensive, angry and says i'm the one with the problem not him. I have tried lingerie, romance, whore heels, hooker boots, anything to try to make things improve. Please help!
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH replied 6 years ago.

Kym Tolson, LCSW, CS :

Hello, Thank you for using Justanswer.com. I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. Without actually diagnosing him I am thinking he may have an addiction to pornography. Obviously, I can't diagnose him in this setting but I see this a lot, people tend you blame the other person when they have an issue like this. Most people with this type of problem experience a lot of denial and blaming of others. I would suggest not taking the blame because it sounds like you have tried many ways to help him become aroused and interested in you. You may want to think about if you want to stay in this relationship if he is not willing to discuss the problem in an appropriate civil manner or with a therapist that can help him get to the bottom of this issue. I hope this answer helps, please feel free to ask further questions if you need to. All the best, Kym

Customer:

When a therapis is mentioned his response is that he doesn't need go spend the money to be vindicated. He has a high IQ and he says he can manipulate just about anybody no matter what their education.

Kym Tolson, LCSW, CS :

Wow, that is unfortunate. I'm sorry to hear that. I bet you are really frustrated with dealing with this. Do you think he is addicted to porn?

Customer:

I feel if it was an addiction he would do it more often. there are times he doesn't view for a few weeks. He mostly does it when i"m out of town. My beef is that when i"m gone he's able to do himself a couple times a week to the porn but when i'm laid off i may not get sex for a couple of weeks.

Kym Tolson, LCSW, CS :

Yeah, you might be right, it's hard to know if it's an addiction or not without talking with him. I think the next step for you would be to evaluate whether or not you want to stay in a relationship that isn't sexually fulfilling for you. If it seems fulfilling in all other aspects you may have to accept that it's going to be this way and make a decision not to discuss it any further if it just leads to frustration for you.We can't make people change if they don't want to change. If it seems too frustrating to go on like this, you may want to consider seeing a therapist yourself to explore and vent about your dissatisfaction with the relationship and/or if you are willing to give him an ultimatum about this behavior. I hope these answers help. Please let me know if you have any other questions or press accept if you are satisfied with this answer. I wish you all the best, Kym

Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

Related Mental Health Questions