How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH Your Ow...

Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH
Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 251
Experience:  Over 15 years of experience as a substance abuse therapist. I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker
25692555
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Im 46 yr. old female construction worker and my job takes

Resolved Question:

I'm 46 yr. old female construction worker and my job takes me out of town Mon.- Fri. my guy has mental erection disorder and takes Viagra but also doesn't have much interes in sex with me but yet turns to porn on the computer. He says he uses it to "Jack" him up. When i am laid off work and home things don't get better and when i try to talk about it and express my disapproval of porn he gets defensive, angry and says i'm the one with the problem not him. I have tried lingerie, romance, whore heels, hooker boots, anything to try to make things improve. Please help!
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH replied 3 years ago.

Kym Tolson, LCSW, CS :

Hello, Thank you for using Justanswer.com. I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. Without actually diagnosing him I am thinking he may have an addiction to pornography. Obviously, I can't diagnose him in this setting but I see this a lot, people tend you blame the other person when they have an issue like this. Most people with this type of problem experience a lot of denial and blaming of others. I would suggest not taking the blame because it sounds like you have tried many ways to help him become aroused and interested in you. You may want to think about if you want to stay in this relationship if he is not willing to discuss the problem in an appropriate civil manner or with a therapist that can help him get to the bottom of this issue. I hope this answer helps, please feel free to ask further questions if you need to. All the best, Kym

Customer:

When a therapis is mentioned his response is that he doesn't need go spend the money to be vindicated. He has a high IQ and he says he can manipulate just about anybody no matter what their education.

Kym Tolson, LCSW, CS :

Wow, that is unfortunate. I'm sorry to hear that. I bet you are really frustrated with dealing with this. Do you think he is addicted to porn?

Customer:

I feel if it was an addiction he would do it more often. there are times he doesn't view for a few weeks. He mostly does it when i"m out of town. My beef is that when i"m gone he's able to do himself a couple times a week to the porn but when i'm laid off i may not get sex for a couple of weeks.

Kym Tolson, LCSW, CS :

Yeah, you might be right, it's hard to know if it's an addiction or not without talking with him. I think the next step for you would be to evaluate whether or not you want to stay in a relationship that isn't sexually fulfilling for you. If it seems fulfilling in all other aspects you may have to accept that it's going to be this way and make a decision not to discuss it any further if it just leads to frustration for you.We can't make people change if they don't want to change. If it seems too frustrating to go on like this, you may want to consider seeing a therapist yourself to explore and vent about your dissatisfaction with the relationship and/or if you are willing to give him an ultimatum about this behavior. I hope these answers help. Please let me know if you have any other questions or press accept if you are satisfied with this answer. I wish you all the best, Kym

Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 251
Experience: Over 15 years of experience as a substance abuse therapist. I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education