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Lori Gephart
Lori Gephart, Licensed Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist and Hypnotherapist 20 years of experience helping clients of all ages.
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My boyfriend and I ve been in a relationship for almost 2 years...he

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My boyfriend and I ve been in a relationship for almost 2 years...he wantS to end the relationship now as I have failed an important exam...he wanted me to pass the exam and that was his only expectation of me...I have tried explaining to him that I have tried my best and that my study method is wrong but I dun know where I'm going wrong...I have begged him for one last chance and that I will never let him down ever again...I dun know what else to do or tell him to convince him...please help me...
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Lori Gephart replied 3 years ago.

Thank you for contacting JustAnswer.

 

I am sorry to hear about the problems you are experiencing. It sounds as if your boyfriend is basing his acceptance of you on your performance on an exam. This raises some serious concerns regarding controlling behavior. Can you see any reason that passing an exam should be related to a dating relationship? This suggests the possibility of emotional abuse. You may find the following website helpful to clarify about abuse: http://www.ndvh.org/get-educated/?gclid=CL-cjOXYr6MCFQpknAodkXxg6g

 

It is important for you to recognize that someone who judges you this harshly is being disrespectful to you. I definitely believe in trusting your gut. It is often a very good indicator of red flags that should not be ignored. Feelings of love tend to be very irrational, while the gut is a good barometer of danger, both physical and emotional. You may want to consider individual therapy as well in order to get some support for yourself, build up your self esteem, help you to set boundaries, and take good care of yourself. If you are concerned about your study skills then you might try tutoring. In the meantime, be sure to take care of yourself through healthy eating, exercise, rest and reaching out to supportive people in your life. I hope this is helpful. Please let me know if I can be of further help.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
He has given me alot of chanceS on this..but I ve let him down..
he also feels that there are alot of problems between us which I know can be solved...please help..I really need this relationship..
Expert:  Lori Gephart replied 3 years ago.
Thank you for the additional information. I am not sure how your performance on an exam relates to the relationship. Can you explain more about how the two are connected and about the problems between the two of you so that I can offer help. Thank you in advance for the information.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Well,I'm already 22 and I first sat for this exam when I was 18...have been failing since then one main reason is cos I know I didn't put in as much of effort as I should to pass the exam...in Singapore we have to pass this exam to go to the next level of education...in these 2yrs that we were together he has given mi all the moral support he could for me to pass this exam but I took it too lightly...he is doing his final year in degree and for him education matters the most... whenever he asked me to study I always told him that I know when and how to do it...but eventually I have failed this year as well...and he said he doesn't want to be in thins relationship where I am not putting in enough effort..I know I have alot of mistakes that I have this upon myself...I have realized all my mistakes and I have decided to study from this november itself...i just want him back...I don't know whether he is too stressed up with his assignment and if that's why he made such hasty decision..will he come back to me if I show him that I'm making an effort to clear my exam and that I'm serious about my life?please tell me what I should do to get him back..please help me...
Expert:  Lori Gephart replied 3 years ago.
Thank you for sharing more information. It sounds as if you have now decided that passing this exam is now important to you, as well as to him. This is the time to focus on taking care of your business - studying, (perhaps getting some tutoring or study skill help) and becoming more confident in yourself. The more you begin to feel competent in moving forward with your life, liking yourself and feeling successful, the more attractive you will be to others. It sounds as if he may be having difficulty trusting you given that you claimed to be studying and working on the exam but have shown him perhaps that you did not mean what you said about knowing how to do it. By refocusing your efforts and following through with your education (particularly since it is important to you as well) this may show him that you can be trusted. I would encourage you to work on the things that you can control (studying, preparing for the exam, being kinder to yourself, perhaps getting therapy to help to improve your self confidence) and allow him to see for himself that he can trust you again. Remember that the more needy you appear to him the more it may push him away. Healthy relationships are about wanting to be with each other rather than needing to. Please let me know if I can clarify further.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thanks alot...I was thinking of explaining to him what i plan to do like going for counseling,getting a tutor for my exams and going for yoga classes to improve my memory power and also let him know how our relationship will be if get back together again like less attention paid on each but more on our education n no restrictions and so on..I was also thinking of asking him if v could be still friends so that he knows if I am really doing what I have to do come up in life...he and I have had Been involved in sexual intimacy from the v got into the relationship..that's I don't want to lose him at all because my virginity means alot to me...I am juSt afraid that he might move on in life..I don't want that to happen...I'm afraid it might happen if v don't talk to each other at all...
Expert:  Lori Gephart replied 3 years ago.
It sounds as if you are moving forward in beginning to focus on making healthy choices for yourself. The healthier you are the healthier your relationships can be. I wish you the best. Please press Accept if this has been helpful.
Lori Gephart, Licensed Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience: Licensed Psychologist and Hypnotherapist 20 years of experience helping clients of all ages.
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