Thank you for contacting JustAnswer.
I am sorry to hear about the problems you are experiencing. It is very possible that the problems that you are experiencing may be related to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. OCD can be a very difficult issue that requires professional help. Exposure therapy can be extremely helpful, often with the addition of medication. It is not unusual for obsessive thoughts and behaviors to interfere with daily functioning. You may find this website to be helpful for additional information to see if this may be a possible explanation for your symptoms: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/index.shtml
Please keep in mind that you do not have to suffer alone. Reach out to a psychologist for an evaluation and diagnosis of your problem so that you can begin to get help with this issue. The psychologist will not be shocked by your thoughts or behaviors as you are not alone with these symptoms.
I hope this answer is helpful. Please let me know if I can clarify further.