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Lori Gephart
Lori Gephart, Licensed Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist and Hypnotherapist 20 years of experience helping clients of all ages.
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How can I stop obsessing about husbands affair that ended

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How can I stop obsessing about husband's affair that ended year ago? We have fixed the problems in our marriage, and I am afraid to ruin things if I keep bringing things up.

Thank you for contacting JustAnswer.

 

I am sorry to hear about the problems you are experiencing in your relationship. You may find the book, After the Affair http://www.amazon.com/After-Affair-Healing-Rebuilding-Unfaithful/dp/0060928174

to be helpful in coping with this.

 

You may want to try thought stopping. When one of these thoughts enters your mind, you can tell yourself "STOP", then replace the thought with a more positive thought that is rational and reasonable such as "My marriage is improving". Then get up and do something to "change the channel" in your brain; such as exercising, getting involved in a project, talking to someone . . . . The more you work on the thought stopping, the more it will become normal for you to think more positively

 

You may want to vent some of your feelings through letter writing, in which you write letters to your spouse or the woman that he had the affair with and then shred them. This helps to release your feelings in a safe way that doesn't harm anyone or negatively affect your relationship.

 

Rather than focusing on the negative thoughts and images of the affair, focus on the positives in the marriage now and what has been improved. If you feel it could be helpful, you may want to consider either couples or individual therapy to address some of these issues. I'm glad to hear that you are using exercise to help. Be sure to take care of yourself through healthy eating, rest and reaching out to supportive people in your life. I hope this answer is helpful. Please let me know if I can clarify further.

 

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
So do you think I should destroy the evidence I have of the affair. I know he has kept things she gave him. Should we have an end of affair anniversary and destroy all reminders?
That sounds like an excellent idea to have a ceremony together to destroy the reminders. This would also give you the reassurance that he is willing to take part in this and destroy the things that he has as well. This can give a very clear signal to your mind to let go of this issue. I wish you the best with this. Please let me know if I can help further.
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